Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Why on earth is Jason Pidcock holding loads of cash?

I'll tell you why, dear reader(s). It's because he likes the feel of it ... in his hands. Yes, Newton's Pidcock is a hands-on man, man. 'More than that, boss. I've heard our Jason likes to cover the entire office floor with cash and then roll around in it.' Roll a-ROUND, Voice? 'No, just roll around.' Oh. Well, we can fix that. 'After lunch?' Oh yeah. Big time. 'No. 273?' You better believe it, baby! We're going to get Jason so DIZZY he won't know if he's coming or going.

Well, well ... / Er, for those of you who like extra details, our Jason is holding 7 per cent in cash (whatever that means) and he says: "It's the highest it's ever been. It's very unusual for me to have cash at that level, but I just like the feel of it, you know? Ah, all over my skin, my naked body covered, my head bobbing up above the notes - beautiful! My colleagues think I'm a total freak, but I don't care. This is the way I've chosen to live. Only God can judge me." Christ! The man's a fanatic. And the highest it has ever been! 'The cash must be touching the ceiling at the Newton office, boss.' I doubt it. How are they supposed to get any work done? It's probably knee-high. He must be lying in it. And rolling around, like you say. 'Amazing!' Yeah. A true eccentric!

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Anything else? Well, the Sun is getting upset about Russell Brand for some reason. 'He pays £76,000 a year in rent, that's why.' Shocking! How much should he pay, then? £60,000? £90,000? 'His landlord is a tax avoider!' So? Is that Russell's responsibility? / Oh dear. Dear oh dear. If you want some real news, dear oh dear reader(s), here's a brilliant article on the something for nothing culture.

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Music? 'Music!' I was watching Donovan play acoustic guitar on BBC Four last night. An old clip from the Sixties, I think. He's a brilliant guitarist. I mean, much better than Bob Dylan. 'Sunshine Superman!' Obviously. However, Dylan is a genius songwriter while Donovan is an average songwriter. The moral of the story? 'Not much of a story, Mikey.' Well, I don't know if there's a moral. And I'm not saying there's a story, much. 'Get on with it! What are you trying to say?' I'm trying to say, Voice, I shouldn't worry too much about my lousy guitar playing. / I've still got to improve though.

Lunch? 'Cheese sandwich!' Egg.