Monday, 6 June 2016

Bruce Hemphill might get £9 million

You're probably wondering: Who is Bruce Hemphill? 'I doubt they are, boss.' They might be. 'They probably know who he is.' Well ...

Bruce Hemphill has been group chief executive of Old Mutual since November 2015. He is also a non-executive director of Nedbank Group. He was previously chief executive of wealth, insurance and non-bank financial services at Standard Bank Group. From June 2006 to February 2014, he was chief executive of Liberty Holdings Ltd, having previously served as chief executive officer of STANLIB. He also served in corporate and merchant and investment banking at Standard Bank.

Well, as you know, dear reader(s), Old Mutual is being smashed up into four pieces. When it's all over, our Bruce won't have a job no more, but - 'Oh, that's a shame.' Listen! But he might be able to get his hands on £9 million, which will be a thousand times his base salary. 'A thousand per cent, boss.' Whatever! It's a lot of money. 'Will he get it though?' He might. The shareholders are going to have a vote on it.

Personally, I hope it all works out for him. 'Bruce will be able to retire and play golf all day!' That's the plan, I think.

Good luck, son!


Anything else? Personal development? I'm a changed man today! 'Eh? What are you going on about, Mikey?' Tony Robbins and Jim Rohn say you've got to change yourself. Well, I've done it, man. This morning. I decided this morning. 'Ha! I'll believe it when I see it.' Believe it now, motherf**ker! I've changed. [Oh, I shouldn't swear. Bad habit!] 'How have you changed?' That's a secret. 'I see.' You think you know it all, don't you, Voice?


Uh, he's gone. Negative attitude. Some people are like that. Not that he's a "person", of course.

Politics? Jesus H. Christ! Everyone will need a positive attitude like me by the end of June if we leave the EU and the economy crashes. I got bad vibes about it, man. Real bad. / Years ago I was all in favour of getting out, but ... times change, people change, you dig? And I just look at Boris Johnson and Michael Gove and Iain Duncan Smith and Chris Grayling and Priti Patel and Nigel Farage. Do you know what I mean? Imagine them running the country. Just imagine it! / However, I don't know if I'll actually vote ...

Ah, that's enough. Laters.