Tuesday, 14 June 2016

Terry Smith and Barclays are cool now

Don't worry, dear reader(s). It's all been straightened out. 'What's this, boss?' Terry Smith, you know the Fundsmith guy? 'Oh yes.' Well, he's also the Aethelflaed Investments guy. He wanted Barclays to transfer £330,000 from this company of his so he could invest it in Fundsmith. 'It sounds simple.' Forget about it! It's a very simple thing, a money transfer. 'Yes.' Unfortunately, Barclays couldn't manage it in three years. Bunch of ... 'Oh dear.' As a result of that, our Terry reckons he lost money. 'Okay. / What was the problem then?' Well, Barclays had a branch in Soho, which Terry used. But it went missing. 'Eh?' It just went missing, man. The branch disappeared. 'Off the face of the earth, like?' Well, no. It eventually turned up in Hounslow. And that's why the money transfer took three years, you dig? Because of all the confusion. 'The Soho branch should have transferred the money, yeah?' Well, yes. But Terry went down there and found that the place had been turned into a massage parlour. 'Oh. Awkward.' Just a bit. He didn't have a clue where his fucking money was. He thought maybe one of the girls had it. Actually, there was this bouncer-type called Maltese Larry who - 'Mikey.' Listen! He lost his club years ago. It's a long story, a sad story, really. Larry was muscled-out and - 'Mikey! Come on! But the Hounslow branch had it, yeah?' Uh, well, the Hounslow branch was the Soho branch, I think, I suppose. But it moved. 'A fly-by-night operation then?' I don't know. Jesus H. Christ! Barclays has really got some explaining to do. 'Those schnooks! I can't wait to hear what they say!' Ah, it's all been settled out of court, Voice, so everyone will probably forget about it now. 'Ha!'

What a comedy though, dear reader(s), eh?!


Anything else? Politics? Well, the referendum has become a complete pile of crap, ain't it? How many people voting Leave (... or Remain - ?) understand all the arguments and all the consequences?

I probably won't vote. I just want to get the fuck out to Malibu, you dig? Take me to paradise!