Wednesday, 15 June 2016

ClearlySo raises £1.25 million in equity as an octopus takes a major stake

Unbelievable! Has the whole world gone insane? We've got octopussies investing now! / Yes, dear reader(s), it's the Wednesday morning PR email, back by popular demand.

ClearlySo, Europe's leading impact investment bank, announced today that an octopus - believe it or not - has taken a 12.3% stake in the company as part of a £1.25 million growth funding round. The octopus, a fast-growing (it's a monster!) sea creature, will become the largest single non-human investor in the firm.


The investment by the octopus comes on the heels of a series of major milestones for ClearlySo, starting the year with the largest growth capital investment in UK history for HCT Group and followed up by the crossing of the £100 million mark in total capital raised for nearly 100 clients. It also serves as further evidence that "3D investing", where social, ethical, and/or environmental impact is considered along with risk and return, is coming of age and entering the mainstream.

Yeah, whatever. I hope they know what they're doing.


Anything else? Oh, George Osborne is saying that there will be an emergency budget after the referendum, with £30 billion of tax rises and cuts. Sounds reasonable to me. Many MPs in his own party are saying that they will vote it down. Yeah, good luck with that, idiots! Do you think we will have a magic money tree in a "free" Great Britain? (Probably without Scotland, and maybe even Wales will leave us, who knows?!) 'Ha!' David Cameron is going to have a wonderful legacy with this referendum of his. The whole thing is a fucking joke. It could destroy this country, Leave or Remain. [Maybe I should calm down a bit. Maybe the worst won't happen, you know? Let's all calm down!!!] Jesus H. Christ! Do you know what I mean, dear reader(s)?