Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Ignis is on fire!

It's all flamed up or sparked up or something of that nature. Clearly, I'm talking about Ignis Asset Management and its new logo. What else would I be talking about? But I don't really understand. All I can see is / are / that / those / blue dots. Ma, where's the fire in the blue dots?! I don't have a problem with blue dots. My eyes! But where's the fire in the blue dots, man? It's a reasonable question to ask. I'm not trying to stir up trouble. I'm not an anarchist. And I appreciate the effort Ignis has gone to but ...

I don't know. / There are some people who say that Ignis is seeking to build on its comprehensive fund range to develop new innovative products and services. Well, okay. Er ... / However, is it going to do that with blue dots? Or maybe they're blue circles. But are blue circles any better? I really think not. How peculiar! My God, what the hell is going on?! Has Ignis actually changed its logo? What was the old logo like? It's just blue dots, or blue circles. I can't see any flames. There are no sparks. Are there? Is there something I'm not privy to? Am I being kept in the dark? (It's so cold in the dark and there's no light in the dark because there aren't any flames, I suppose.) Is this any way to treat the world's foremost financial shaman? You would think Ignis would have more respect for a man who has revolutionized the way business is done in these troubled times. And not only that but this - I saved the world! The credit crunch could/would have destroyed everything. C/W/ould have but - / and there's worse to come, I'm sure. Eurozone, as we are aware, yes, but not indeed - no! Ignis should know I'm the one (me!) who's holding everything together with my spirit, my vision, my passion, and, YES, my fire! Is any of this reflected in the new logo? No. We get blue dots, or blue circles. Unless I'm missing something.

Oh my God! I've just seen a spark of flaming fire... No, did I imagine that? I thought I saw a spark flying off the Ignis name. No, hang on. Are those blue dots supposed to be the flames, those blue circles? But I swear I saw a yellowish flame. Christ! I've never been so confused in my life. / And a voice! / Some people say: performance, and the risk taken to achieve it, is at the heart of the business model. [Aaaaaaaaarrrrgghhh! Is there more?] Ignis believes that entrepreneurial teams operating in standalone business units, but at all times within a rigorous risk framework, are best placed to meet, or exceed, clients' performance needs. / Oh, great! [Where in inner space did that come from?!] Am I supposed to feel better now, knowing about performance and the business model? Does Ignis think I was born yesterday? I was born a million years ago - if born at all? (It's a moot point.) They don't know what they're dealing with in me. It's a lack of respect. If I were a bad man, I would hurt them. I would introduce them to pain. Unfortunately, I'm a good man. Or so I would have you believe, dear reader(s).


And now I must go, for I have written myself very close to despair, and after the night in the sky last week I promised myself I would ... never mind, it's personal. You can't be privy to everything.