Tuesday, 2 October 2018


Okay, okay. We haven't heard from Jinksy for quite a while. 'Good!' Oh, don't be like that, Voice. He's all right. 'Is he? Really?' Yes. Of course he is! 'I suppose he wants to talk about parcels again.' He wants to talk about a blunderbuss tax. 'Oh.' Look -

Responding to Chancellor Hammond's conference speech the e-commerce delivery expert ParcelHero agrees today's technical transformation of the economy is more important than Brexit; but says a new Digital Services Tax that hits UK e-commerce sites will slam the brakes on retail growth.

You see? 'He didn't say anything about a blunderbuss, boss.' That's further down the email, man. In the meantime ...

Says ParcelHero's Head of Consumer Research, David Jinks MILT: "There's no doubt that the Chancellor was right on the money when he said that today's technological transformation will be what future history books cover, not Brexit. But by announcing a new Digital Services Tax he could immediately put the brakes on the one growing area of retail. It needs to be made clear this will apply only to global giants such as Amazon, not to UK-based e-commerce sites."

Ha! If Brexit even happens ... and let's pray that it doesn't. FFS! Do you know what I mean? / Anyway ...

Continues David: "We agree technological change is transforming lives at a rate none of us have seen in our lifetime. We applaud Chancellor Hammond's aim to 'update our economy for the digital age' and the appointment of President Obama's former aid to look at the competition regime. But Chancellor Hammond says of the threats surrounding the digital revolution that: '3D printing will look more of a threat to someone who works for a parcel delivery company'. We disagree; a digital tax on UK e-commerce is a far more serious threat to home deliveries and the bargains all online shoppers enjoy, than 3D printing ever will be."

Okay, parcels again, uh ... 'Where's the freakin' blunderbuss, boss? I mean, that's why you picked this PR email over the others in your inbox. Come on! We both love the word.' Christ! Voice, here it is. Look! -

Adds David: "Chancellor Hammond joked 'You can't order long-term change on Amazon Prime - order today and it's delivered tomorrow.' Of course, the British High Street would prefer it if we didn't order anything at all on Amazon Prime. But we must not introduce a blunderbuss tax that hits all e-commerce sites, including UK-based ones."

You see? Blunderbuss! 'Brilliant!' I know! / And let that be a lesson to all PR people. If you want bloggers and, uh, journalists to cover your stories you need to use words like "blunderbuss". You dig?


Okay, okay. Uh. Anything else? Music? I adjusted the structure of my new tune last night. This song will definitely be my fourth world-beater. 'You need a lyric, boss.' I know, I know! I'll get one, Voice. Give me a chance! FFS!

Listen: if all four songs were on the same album, well ... 'What, Mikey? Tell us!' Ha! As Carlito Brigante said, people would have to give up their religious beliefs.

Right. Later(s), kook(s)!