Monday 22 April 2019

Banking in the clouds

Okay, okay. / I've heard of banking on the astral plane, which was something I banned, but ... banking in the clouds?! It sounds revolutionary, dear reader(s).

Uh, PR email ...

Amsterdam, April 18, 2019: First and long-time investor Amerborgh sells a part of its stake in Ohpen to NPM Capital, that upon the transaction, will have a 35% stake in Ohpen. Amerborgh wanted to sell this stake to finance ongoing and future projects, like the arts and culture centre "het HEM" in Zaandam.

So ... you see? 'There's no mention of no banking in clouds, boss.' Be patient, idiot!

Ohpen is a fast-growing Fintech company. The Ohpen SaaS, cloud native core banking platform administers retail investment and savings accounts for banks and other financial institutions.

So, uh ... 'Oh, I see.' Yes.

Now, I wonder what Rutger says ... 'Oh, oh! I know, boss! I know!' Okay, Voice. Tell us then. 'Ha! Rutger says -'

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

Oh, for fuck's sake! I meant Rutger Ruigrok! 'Who?! Who the fuck is -' Rutger Ruigrok! From NPM Capital!

Rutger Ruigrok, managing director at NPM Capital explains: "The technology sector is an increasingly important focus point in our investment portfolio. Already, we have had Ohpen in sight as one of the most promising technology companies that we have seen in the past few years. We are impressed with their achievements over the past ten years: a cloud native core banking engine, an impressive customer base and a wonderful foundation for further growth. We are very enthusiastic about now being part of their future."

So ... you see? 'Er, yeah ... I think I prefer the first quote.' So do I, man. But we can't just use random quotes that aren't connected to anything. 'Why not?' Well ... 'You've changed, boss.' Shut up!

Ohpen is the world's first cloud native core banking provider and became a market leader in the Dutch midsize banking market over the past few years. In the near future, Ohpen will extend its services to large banks and the pension market.

Well ... 'Who said that?' No one. / It was another voice. Another voice, crying(?) in the wilderness. That's what we all are.

However, Michel is happy.

Michel Vrolijk, managing director at Amerborgh Netherlands is happy with the fact that the company decided to invest in Ohpen ten years ago. "Our expectations at the time have always been exceeded. We hope to be a partner of Ohpen's incredible adventure for a long time to come."

Okay, okay. Fair enough. What can I say about it? I don't want to say anything about it. These people can do what they want. It's none of my business. It's their business.

...

Anything else? Yeah, yeah. I've been depressed this weekend, but I'm making a fresh start today, dear kook(s). 'Another one, Mikey?!' Yes, Voice. So what? There's no law against it. Everyone can have as many fresh starts as they want. Who are you, the fresh start police? 'Er ... no.' Good!

Listen! I don't know about Cornwall yet. I don't even know if I can afford it. Maybe if I can record my songs soon, the next few weeks, like, I'll go to Cornwall to celebrate, and if I come back alive, I'll put my songs on the internet, and, uh ... change my life, and get away from all this shit, and all that shit. 'What shit?' It doesn't matter. 'Oi! Why wouldn't you come back alive from Cornwall?' Because I might do a Bodhi. 'What, even if you've recorded your songs?' I'm unpredictable, man. My moods are unpredictable. Leave me alone!

Actually, listen! I'm not writing about personal* stuff no more. Oh, and no more music updates. Just finance from now on. Dull, hellish finance! Learn to love it, reader(s). It's all I can offer you. I'm doing deep work. Gone! 'Eh?' Deep work, like Bill Gates in the old days. I don't care no more. You can't say anything to anyone. You can't reach anyone. Life is fucked. Deal with it!

Laters!


*Except in my conceptual posts where I will continue to make the personal impersonal.