Saturday 22 March 2008

Citigroup management committee: save our souls!

My very dear friend Vikram Pandit has been on the phone to me, and he's scared. Real scared. It's the credit crunch, it's sub prime, it's Jack Pickles. Well, he wants me to bestow some kind of mystical blessing upon Citi's management committee. I said to him, 'Vikram, mate, let's not get ahead of ourselves here, what about the church of your love?' He came back with, 'The church of my love ain't shit right now. I need you, I need Big Herb, I may even need Ganesh the elephant god.' I was shocked. I said, 'Jesus Christ.' He said, 'Yeah, him too. We've got to get Jesus on board.' I said, 'Oh come on, Jesus won't be interested in this deal - remember the money lenders? It ain't happening. Big Herb, Ganesh, and myself will be all you need. What are you so worried about?' He calmed down a bit, 'All right, all right, but just do the blessing for us, please.'

Okay, you bad banking mofos, here it comes!

Big Herb smiles upon Eric W. Aboaf, Yasmine D. Anavi, Raul Anaya, Jeff Applegate, Shirish Apte, Cindy A. Armine, William A. Arnold, Vikram A. Atal, George Awad, Suneel Bakhshi, Ajay Banga, Bill Beckmann.

Ganesh is burning a candle for Stephen Bird, Sir Win Bischoff, Nicholas E. Calio, Don Callahan, Lisa M. Caputo, Sanjeeb Chaudhuri, Mark Connolly, Michael L. Corbat, Gary Crittenden, Julio A. De Quesada, John L. Donnelly, Ellen 'Bebe' Duke, Edmond Eger III, Augusto Escalante Juanes.

Michael Fowke says a little prayer for Pamela P. Flaherty, James A. Forese, Jane Fraser, Steven J. Freiberg, Scott Freidenrich, Michael B. G. Froman, Paul S. Galant, James M. Garnett Jr, Ed Garofalo, Richard Garside, John C. Gerspach, Edith Ginsberg, Edward F. Greene, Yung-Ku Ha.

Big Herb explodes in an ecstasy of mystical love for Paul M. Hatch, John Havens, Gary P. Hediger, Michael S. Helfer, Roberto Hiriart, Bonnie L. Howard, George M. James, C. P. Janardhan, Bill Johnson, Leah C. Johnson, Charles D. Johnston, Lewis B. Kaden, Sunil Kaul.

Ganesh is dreaming of better times for Kevin Kessinger, Nayan Kisnadwala, Michael Klein, Peter Knitzer, Sallie L. Krawcheck, John Krupar, Marisa Lago, Jonathan Larsen, Brian Leach, Robin Leopold, Kaven Leung, Carl E. Levinson, Jacob J. Lew, John T. Longley, Nick Lyall.

Michael Fowke is rocking on the astral plane for Alan S. MacDonald, Gustavo Marin, Maura Markus, Howard D. Marsh, Mark Mason, Les Matheson, Robert S. Matthews, Mary McDowell, Raymond J. McGuire, Manuel Medina-Mora, William J. Mills, Robert Morse, Sanjay Nayar, Vikram Pandit, Steffen W. Parratt.

Big Herb goes to hell and back for Douglas L. Peterson, Fernando Quiroz Robles, Amy J. Radin, Guru Ramakrishnan, Steve Randich, Kathryn S. Reimann, Bill Rhodes, Saul M. Rosen, Robert E. Rubin, Pat Ryan, Neeraj Sahai, Michael Schlein, Tom Schwartz.

Ganesh tells Lakshmi to pull her finger out for Yawar Shah, Deepak Sharma, Michael J. Sharp, Jane C. Sherburne, Zion Shohet, Slawomir S. Sikora, David Simon, Sheree Stomberg, Kevin Thurm, Alain Van Groenendael, Alexander G. van Tienhoven, Francesco Vanni d'Archirafi, Chris Vassiliades, Alberto J. Verme.

Michael Fowke puts a curse on Jack Pickles on behalf of Cliff Verron, Stephen R. Volk, Catherine Weir, Michael D. Weitzman, Martin J. Wong, Paco Ybarra, Shengman Zhang, Enrique Zorrilla Fullaondo.