Wednesday, 5 March 2008

Jardine Lloyd Thompson: fit for purpose

I can report that Jardine Lloyd Thompson's chief executive, Dominic Burke, has declared the insurance broker fit for purpose. JLT has been through two very troublesome years - due mainly to falling prices in certain areas of the insurance and reinsurance markets. JLT shares were up yesterday, but I'm confused now. Confused by some of Dominic's language. Speaking of JLT's past troubles, he said that they were in the trenches and pushing and fighting some headwinds, but then the headwinds turned around and they came out of the trenches, and now they are charging at the headwinds, except for some character by the name of Tim who fell back in the trenches and broke his leg and then got all fucked up with mustard gas or some evil chemical shit like that. All very confusing.

I have been speaking to the chief executive of Barclays Capital, Bob Diamond (Bob and I go back years, but we have only started talking again after a falling out we had in 2006 - I won't go into it) and he said, 'I'm bloody confused about all this. What is the man actually trying to say? Trenches? Headwinds? I can't make any sense out of it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but what Mr Burke should be saying is - the ghosts of all the dead financiers in history were swirling in the cosmos and the sun was burning a hole in our accounts, but then Ganesh appeared on the scene and things were righteous and holy for a while until that bastard Shiva turned up and rained on our parade, but we turned things around with a beautiful crystal which was vibrating and spreading love everywhere, and then we made a load of money.'

Bob, mate, you're not wrong. You're not fucking wrong.