Tuesday, 18 March 2008


There is a newspaper article today about 'onboarding.' This is a new workplace bit of nonsense where you start a new job and are given a 'buddy' to see you through the early stages. You also get a lunch mate (someone to eat your lunch for you? I don't know), trips to the pub, and a friendly chat with the managing director. Paul Armstrong from the management consultancy Penna says it is all about making employees feel valued beyond the recruitment stage. Myself, I think I would prefer waterboarding with the CIA.

I have been speaking to award-winning financial psychic Keith Busby about this, and he told me, 'Believe it or not, I once had a job. And this onboarding business is nothing new. I worked in a psychic hotline call centre, and I was given a buddy, and I hated his guts. He kept following me around like a little puppy. I couldn't go for a slash without him being there and offering advice - that's how bad it was. It became unbearable though when the company tried to induct me into some kind of satanic cult, I kid you not. I'm still too scarred by the experience - mentally and physically - to go into the details with you, but what I will say is: if your new firm gives you a buddy, and he looks slightly dodgy, and he has a peculiar manner - like an insurance salesman, and he talks to you about the Shadowlands (don't ask), then run for your life! Just get the hell out of there. You'll thank me. Believe me, you'll thank me.'