Monday, 17 March 2008

JPMorgan buys Bear Stearns for $240 million

JPMorgan Chase has agreed to buy Bear Stearns for almost $240 million. This is an amazing cut-price takeover of the stricken bank. Last January Bear shares were $169. The JP Morgan deal values the shares at a mere $2 each. Since Friday, hedge funds associated with Bear Sterns - such as Davidson Kempner Partners and Fir Tree Partners - have been like rats leaving a sinking ship. But what about the captain, Alan Schwartz? What will happen to him? And what about the violinists - will they play on?

Well, forget about all that shit. I have been speaking with award-winning financial psychic Keith Busby, and he told me, 'I remember a clairvoyant friend of mine who was going out of business and had to have a closing-down sale. He had this amazing crystal ball, which I had always coveted. It must have been worth at least a grand. I offered him £200. Well, you should have seen his reaction. He went fucking mental, calling me a bastard creep motherfucker and all sorts. I said to him - hey, dickhead, you're going out of business, remember? Who gives a toss if your crystal ball is the best ball around? You can't eat it, can you? You can't feed your kids with it, can you?'

You see, even someone like Keith has a hard, ruthless side. I wouldn't be surprised if JPMorgan had him in on the Bear Stearns deal.