Monday, 1 November 2010

Adam & Co's investment team is running away to join Brewin Dolphin

No, not the circus. Brewin Dolphin. We all know about the dolphin-torn, gong-tormented sea. It's a crazy world of watery dreams. And Brewin Dolphin lives the life. But I'm not sure Stephen Martin, Gordon Macdonald, Graeme Smith, Michael Wedderburn, Wilson Leggart, Gillian Keegan, and Ashley Lease understand. Once they get there, will they have a clue as to what's going on? By joining Brewin Dolphin they are throwing themselves in at the deep end. It could turn out to be a very unsettling experience for all of them. Of course, some happily escape their company vile, as Baudelaire would say.

Not that Adam & Co is a vile company. I'm not saying that. Adam & Co is a nice little private bank, but it has never been burnt by astral fire in the desert, and it has certainly never ridden the waves of the astral sea. Brewin Dolphin is something else. This investment manager dreams with the fishes. But it ain't a fish itself. No, it's a mammal. It's a great big dolphin! It's employees are baby dolphins, splashing around inside. Is Stephen Martin, the leader of men and women, aware of any of this? He may have seen dolphins in some physical sea. I doubt whether he has seen dolphins in the sea of his subconscious though. I mean, that's where he and his team will be working. Oh dear. I suspect he hasn't thought this one through.

It's the old story. Too many financial people read my blog and say: 'Oh, this mystical capitalism is a piece of piss. Let's go, everyone! We're off to see the wizard. He'll take us to paradise!’ But they don't consider all the hard work, the sacrifices, the blood, the sweat, and the tears. It's a lack of respect - that's what it is. 'Oh, if this nutty shaman geezer can do it, we all can.' Then they come a cropper. A lot of the time they won't even approach me first. They will just head off into the desert on their own (or jump into the sea, like the Adam & Co team) and get all fucked up. They go for burnings, and get reduced to ashes. They go for a swim - astraddle on the dolphin's mire and blood, if not actually posing as astral dolphins themselves; next thing they know they're slidin' around down the bottom with the fuckin' eels and the fuckin' crabs crawlin' outta their fuckin' eyeballs. (Do you get eels in the sea?) Well, they'll learn.

A bit of info about Brewin Dolphin -

At Brewin Dolphin, we are focused on meeting the individual needs of our diverse range of clients: oddballs, seekers, and mystic kooks from everywhere. That means we always start by listening to you chant, learning about your chakras and discussing what colour you want your aura to be. Your adviser will then draw on specialist expertise from around Brewin Dolphin and the astral sea to ensure you are able to benefit from the blend of services you need. This approach is backed by our commitment to employing the very best financial shamans in our industry, and giving them the blood and the fire they need to offer the most well-informed advice. It's an approach that reaps rewards for our clients and has helped to make us one of the UK’s leading private client investment managers.

That's how Brewin Dolphin does business. See what I mean?