Friday, 26 November 2010

Sarasin's Christopher Lindsay is mixed up like a bowl of nuts about gold

And it ain't just him. Everyone at Sarasin & Partners is a little confused. All this on top of Robin Hepworth and his polar bears, down in the mine. Not canaries! No, polar bears. And now we have Mr Lindsay, screaming like a queen: 'EquiSar Global Thematic! EquiSar IIID! We're talking funds of Barrick Gold. Lots of it!' David Vickers ain’t happy though, while Chris (head of thematic research, seriously) rants and raves, more coming -

Russian warheads, uranium, electric cars, fertilizer, robots, iron ore, but it's gold, gold, gold, I want, and you want. Perhaps you have just come into a lump sum that is available for investment. Put it into gold! There might be more demand. Are you nervous about the dollar? Perhaps you are a mystic kook considering whether there might be a better way of managing your funds to meet the competing demands on your resources. You may be an alchemist. Well, you don't need me then. Clear off! Perhaps you are a family office, independent financial adviser, pension fund, bunch of ghosts, multi-manager, insurance company or other mental institution looking for fresh and innovative ways of investing. Perhaps you are a lonely man, a lonely woman, an aching stranger. How do I know? I don't know who you are. You read Mikey's blog. You could be anyone! You could be Charles Manson. He's on Twitter, you know. Or perhaps you are simply conducting a periodic review of your investment management arrangements and wondering if there may be ways of boosting performance, simplifying administration and saving unnecessary costs. Well, of course there are ways. In fact, there is one way. We only need the one way. On the astral plane you can pick up gold anywhere, everywhere. It's there, in the sand. You don't believe me? I am not the queen of the highway. No one can save her, save the blind tiger. I am a monster, black dressed in leather. That's me! It's all in my head! I have to thank Mr Fowke for giving me this opportunity. They don't let me out. They don't trust me at Sarasin. They say I scare people, that I drive investors away. THEY ARE INSANE! I blame David Vickers. He ain't no Goldfinger! Not like me. I love the stuff. Come with me, mystic ones. Weird scenes inside the gold mine. I am lost in a financial wilderness of pain, and all the children are insane. I have to work with children! Not mystics ones, not burning ones, but cold ones. They love the gold. They hate the gold. They like the gold, a bit. Then they hate it. Is it any wonder I'm so emotional? Bite me. Put your teeth into me. I'm desperately in need of some stranger's teeth in my flesh. It would calm me down. Guitars! Desert! Astral moon! Red Indians! Napalm nights! Faces from the ancient gallery. Evil grins. A gold axe! Gold snow. The winter snow is gold in my eyes. Here is the danger that worries THEM so much. Ride the snake. Fight the polar bear. The polar bear will take you down into the icy water, astral seas. Fight! There is a door. It's another world. Come on. Come on. COME!

Thank you, Chris. I'm sure my readers will take all this under advisement. [N. Amer.]