Thursday, 18 November 2010

Who is Guillaume Jacqueau?

Who is Guillaume Jacqueau? That's a good question. Is he a shadow of the man he wants to be? That's another good question. I can tell you he is a director at Barclays Private Equity in Paris, and I can tell you he will be the big boss next year when BPE breaks away from Barclays and goes it alone. Yes, the lunatics are taking over the asylum. I can't tell you any more than that. Actually, I don't need to. Let Guillaume Jacqueau speak for himself!

I am Guillaume Jacqueau. I will speak for myself. I am not one of these wretched puppets we have heard so much about. I am a man. I am a human being. I am more than a voice. More than a character! If you cut me, I will bleed. If I cut you, I will enjoy it. That's the way it goes. You will find me in a graveyard. You will find me in the tomb. The worms will be there. These are my words. I have control. If the moon is out, stare at it. See my face. Look in the mirror. Not at yourself. The shadow on the wall, behind you. Astral ways. Same old routine. Introduce yourself. Do not be shy. I am your friend. You may not know it. Who cares? These are my words. It's amazing how easy it is to speak for yourself. You need willpower. You need desire. You certainly need energy. It can be done. I am Guillaume Jacqueau. It's hard to believe, I know. I am Guillaume Jacqueau. The more I say it, the more I feel it. This is how I do business. Look at the shadow on your wall! Do you even have a wall? You can always pretend. I realize that not everyone has a wall. I believe you have a body though. You may even have arms and legs, and a head. You are not a mere trunk. You are not a mere voice. I feel sorry for those poor souls who have to make do with voices. It can't be much of a life. I am Guillaume Jacqueau. These are my words. I am not a character. I am a real person. It makes all the difference. If you're wandering, if you hear a voice. If you're alone. When you're in bed. If you see me, a shadow, on the ceiling. Smile at me, and I'll smile at you. I am friendly. I wish I were Guillaume Jacqueau. It would be so exciting. The cat is out of the bag! Let's put it back. I am Guillaume Jacqueau. You must believe me. I work for Barclays Private Equity. You can check. These are my words. That is my face pressed up against your face. That's my breath. This is my kiss. I love you. Do you love me? No? Could you learn to love me? If I were Guillaume Jacqueau, I would slash you with a razor. It would be so exciting. I would feel alive, and so would you, with the trickles of blood, and your tears, of joy. Because you would enjoy the pain. It would be beautiful pain. I am Guillaume Jacqueau. Deeper into the reality of the man. A man who barely exists! We can make him real! We can give him life. Oh, he is alive. I am Guillaume Jacqueau. These are his words. I am Guillaume Jacqueau! Here comes the razor! Good? Again! Faster! Deeper! In a trance, more words. Deeper. The deeper we go, oh the deeper we go, without fear, without caring what the others think, the easier it gets. Such passion! I am Guillaume Jacqueau. He is a real man, just like you. Or a woman. Not Guillaume. You - possibly. I will not judge you. I refuse! We are all the same, beneath the skin, inside the bones, lost in our dreams, our nightmares. I love it when it goes deeper. I get lost. You are Guillaume Jacqueau. He is Guillaume Jacqueau. I am. I am. We are. This is something we can share. Taste the blood. Let it run into your mouth. I slashed you for your own good. You will thank me. This is the experience of a lifetime. Don't waste it. I'm not on the wall. Not on the ceiling. I am inside you. Feels great, doesn't it? This is how the other half live. If only we had some champagne. We could pour it in our mouth. Kiss me. Kiss yourself. I am Guillaume Jacqueau. They know me at Barclays Private Equity. This is what we do. No one is ashamed. You have to let go. You only have one life. We only have one life, one physical life. Unless we come back. I don't know. It can get confusing. Don't blame yourself. How do you feel? This is me. We love each other. This is going to last. I am Guillaume Jacqueau. We all know who you are. You are not a puppet. You would be insulted if someone said you were a voice. That body is not an illusion. I'm sure you'll be fine. We all get confused. Now that we're so close, so intimate, I think we should make this a permanent arrangement. Let's stay together! I am Guillaume Jacqueau. God knows who that is, over there, watching us.

Dear reader, that gave me a lot of pleasure. [Thank you, Guillaume. It was I who was watching, by the way.] I mean, writing it. Not experiencing it. You were the one who experienced it. But I will not judge you. I refuse!