Monday, 1 November 2010

Peter Allwright and Stuart Frost and the RWC Cautious Absolute Rate and Currency fund

Dear reader, do you know Peter Allwright or Stuart Frost at all? They joined RWC Partners one night last month (when Mike Corcell was out of the building, prowling the streets, with an evil grin on his face, he's not getting any better, I've heard they keep him in a cage during the day - see below, but he must feed at night, so they let him out). Well, today they took control of the RWC Cautious Absolute Rate and Currency fund. They've been dreaming of this moment since they were babes in arms. Okay, I'm exaggerating. But they are very pleased to be at RWC and managing this fund.

Have you ever spoken with Peter Allwright at all? I have. See what you make of this: 'Mr Fowke, I'm so happy to be at RWC Partners, managing the RWC Cautious Absolute Rate and Currency fund with Stuart. It's a dream come true. (Yeah, you've done well in life, Pete. You can call me Mikey, if you like.) Thanks, Mikey. (So, er, what's it like being in the same firm as Corcell again?) Corcell? (Yes, Mike Corcell. You were at Threadneedle at roughly the same time, weren't you?) Don't know any Mike Corcell, I'm afraid. (Don't be silly, Pete. He's a top guy at RWC.) The name doesn't ring a bell. (Oh, I think I understand. You've blocked it out. It must have been hard at Threadneedle. I bet you lost some good friends.) Michael, what on earth are you talking about? (The trip to the desert, the team-building thing. Those analysts. Did you know any of them?) What analysts? (Don't piss me about, Pete. The analysts that ... disappeared.) I don't know anything about any analysts disappearing. (No? Oh. Have you been threatened, Peter? Has someone told you not to talk about it? Has Mike threatened you?) I don't know anything. (It's rather childish of you, pretending to not even know him. It wasn't your fault.) What do you mean, it wasn't my fault?! (I know you feel guilty.) You're crazy! Bloody crazy! As crazy as Corcell! (Oh, so you do know him?) Well ... (Why don't you tell me all about it?) I can't, Mr Fowke. We were all sworn to secrecy at Threadneedle. If the truth got out, it would mean the end of a lot of careers. (Peter, speak to me. What happened to those analysts?) He ... he ate them. (Oh my God!) The man's an animal! That's why we keep him in a cage at RWC. (In a cage?!) Yes, during the day, to protect everyone at the firm, but at night ... he roams the streets. (Jesus Christ!) Yes. (Jesus Christ! This is pretty heavy stuff you're telling me.) Do you think he's a vampire, a werewolf? (I don't know, Pete. I really don't know. I'm going to have to look into this.) Do you ever see him on the astral plane? (I used to. Not lately though, not for a long while. If he's carrying on like you say, he'll be down on the lower levels now, anyway.) The demonic levels? (Yeah. And I don't go down there.) Can you help him? (He may have to be destroyed.) Destroyed?! This is a human being we're talking about! (Is it, Pete? Is it?) Oh ... I don't know. (Neither do I.) The funny thing is, I actually quite like him, when he's not biting people.'

What about that, eh? Tragic. Absolutely tragic.