Wednesday 24 November 2010

Swan Street Partners buys 5 per cent of Gartmore!

Why? Why oh why oh why?

Why would anyone want 5 per cent of Gartmare? It's Gartmore, boss. I know what it is! I want to know why John Zwaanstra wanted 5 per cent of it. Zwaanstra? The Penta man? What's he got to do with it? He's behind it. He got his brother to buy it. His brother? Todd. Todd? Never heard of him! What's going on?

That's what I want to know. Did George Soros tell him to buy this stake? George Soros?! What about Lord Lucan? Is he in on it as well? Don't be ridiculous!

I know that Todd is controlling it on behalf of his brother, but who is his brother working for? This is from here: 'Despite the Swan Street purchase, Gartmore's share price has continued to slump following Roger Guy's retirement announcement, now sitting at 97p.' Roger Guy has the 5 per cent!

No. Jack Pickles has it. It's got to be him. Surely not! You blame everything on Jack. How do you know, Master? O my child, I have a feeling in my water. You just got the feeling? Sounds serious. It is serious. Jack is planning something evil. Obviously. I mean, he's always planning something evil. Why change the habit of a lifetime? Many lifetimes? He rode a tank, held a general's rank, when the Blitzkrieg raged, and the bodies stank. Or maybe that was someone else.

Enough! This is the load of crap du jour [how I hate that middle-class 'du jour' bollocks!]. Indeed! Let's end it here. No, Master, we must continue. Your readers. What about my readers? They want satisfaction.

Dear reader(s), do you really need to know what terrible evil Mr Jack Pickles is planning? This isn't a soap opera, you know. Can't you just use your imagination? Must I do everything? 320,000 words now and counting, and you still want more?! You're insatiable!

All right, let's go then. Leave them wanting more. You truly are the Master. Ladies and gentleman, Mr Fowke has left the blog.

I'll be back!

He'll be back! It's tea and biscuits time!