Tuesday 19 October 2010

BlueBay's Hugh Willis and Mark Poole to get £82 million each!!!

I don't really need three exclamation marks, probably don't need one, but they don't do any harm, do they? I understand it's a matter of taste. Some of you may think I'm incredibly vulgar, but I think the exclamation marks show my excitement. And I am excited. It's not every day that two people get their hands on so much money. £82 million each!!! It's better than winning the lottery, or Lotto, or whatever the fuck it's called. But they haven't got their greasy little mitts on it yet. But they will, unless the deal falls through.

O Master, what deal?

Royal Bank of Canada has agreed to pay £963 million for BlueBay Asset Management, which was formed by Hugh Willis and Mark Poole nine years ago. They each own 8.5 per cent of BlueBay, so they'll be getting £82 million each!!!

Oh, that's great! I wonder what they'll spend it all on.

They'll probably reinvest it. Start a new firm. Something like that.

No! They should spend it on having a good time.

O my child, what would you spend it on - if you had a life, if you weren't just a voice in my head?

I would buy myself a big house in a posh part of London, like Shepherd's Bush maybe. A lot of classy people live in Shepherd's Bush, all those Scottish alcoholics. I would buy a Ford Escort RS2000, one of the really old ones from the Seventies, and do it up a bit. Get some fluffy dice, you know? And I could race around town in it, with my bird. She would like that. She'd love it! I'd get a season ticket for QPR. I would buy a few tracksuits and some manly aftershave from Shepherd's Bush Market, and splash it all over, the aftershave, that is, though the tracksuits would be all over me like a ... but not Brut. I'm not paying those prices. I don't care how rich you are, you shouldn't waste money. I'd eat in Mickey D's every night of the week. Except Sunday. I would go to Nando's on Sundays. You've got to treat yourself sometimes, ain't ya? I would get some jewellery for me old mum. She loves anything that looks gold. I'd have to get my bird a few things as well. Maybe a couple of miniskirts. They'd be for me more than anything, you know what I mean? Of course you do, we're all men of the world here. I don't have to explain nothing. Right, how many millions is that then? I got £82 million to get through. Fucking hell! I don't know how I would spend all of it. £82 million!!! I reckon Hugh Willis and Mark Poole are going to have the same sort of problems that that Carroll geezer had. Having said that, he had parties like the Giant Gatsby, didn't he? I mean, the Great Gatsby. Oh, we would find some way of spending it. Just have loads of parties. Invite all my mates round, and Hugh, and Mark. We could smash the place up with hammers. We could smash their houses up! Where do the BlueBay guys live?

O my child, you're an idiot.