Wednesday, 6 October 2010

How is Jerome Kerviel going to get his hands on €4.9 billion?

That's what he owes Societe Generale. He'll probably have to go to prison for three years first. He's out on bail at the moment, pending an appeal. Once he's left prison, he'll have to get a job. Doing what? Stacking shelves? I don't know. Jesus H. Christ! How on earth is Jerome Kerviel going to find €4.9 billion?

Obviously, Jerome needs an off-world solution. Yes, I'm talking about the astral plane. I'm always talking about the astral plane, aren't I? I'm obsessed with the joint.

O Master, we could ask Hugh Hendry if he will help.

No, no, no. I know what you're going to suggest, my child. You think I should allow Mr Hendry into the desert of our love; and get him to bring all the money that he's going to make from shorting the cosmos.

We could pass the money on to Jerome.

O my child, if the cosmos were to collapse, Societe Generale would cease to exist. Jerome wouldn't have to pay the money back.

Two birds with one stone!

No, it's not going to happen. And I'll tell you why. After yesterday's post, Big Herb had a word with Hugh Hendry. Put the fear of, er, Big Herb into him. I'll be surprised if Hugh ever shorts anything ever again, let alone the cosmos.

Well, what are we going to do for Jerome?

We'll have a whip-round for him the moment he gets out of chokey. How about that? The ghosts of the dead financiers are minted. They'll put up most of the money, I'm sure. We don't need Hugh. We don't need anyone from the cold world.

All's well that ends well, then. Or it will end well. We've got to be optimistic.