Friday, 22 October 2010

Zedd Capital

Only if one hoped to create a whole out of the fragments, some complete work to which one could make a final appeal, a breast on which I could beat in my hour of need. But I know that is impossible here, there is no help for me in these. So what am I to do with the things? Since they can't help me, am I to let them harm me, as must be the case, given my knowledge about them? - Franz Kafka

[The very last literary quote at a beginning, I promise. Kafka on his 'bungled' novels. He wanted them dead. Kafka was the greatest writer of the twentieth century, and probably the most important writer since Dante. How many novels are published every day in the world? Who cares?! Zadie Smith reckons that Kafka felt superior to the form of the novel. I remember reading that somewhere. Well, imagine feeling so superior that you refuse to even write one. Imagine that! I understand Kafka's attitude towards his 'fragments.'. I recently deleted over fifty fragments. I could delete hundreds more. I believe a whole can be created out of fragments though. Here is a fragment -]

Zedd's alive, baby. No one needs to tell us that one of the best ideas to come from the hedge fund world is 'long-short' investing. It's an equity investment technique that has been used to great effect by some of the world's most successful hedge funds. But we need to tell them ['they'!] there are plenty more great ideas that come [zzzz!] from the astral plane: the burnings, the sticky money on happy faces, and the love of a good elephant - Ganesh!

Fortunately, David Staton, the founder of Zedd Capital, is intelligent enough to realize that the hedge fund world must connect with the astral plane. He told me in my buzzing head: 'Everyone knows I was a dreamy scholar at Oxford, but it was Goldman Sachs which gave me the taste for blood, fire, and sandy ways. There were no shamans or mystics at Goldman in those cold days on this wretched earth, but the clever ones at the bank were watching you, Mikey. They knew what you were up to in the astral/physical desert. They knew that ONE GLORIOUS DAY you would return to the dull reality with blood and fire for all the children. I was one of those clever ones. Cleverer than most, if you want the truth. I had an inkling it would be ALL OUR DAYS. That's when I decided to follow you. I was watching you. I saw Jesus frowning upon your activities. And I saw Satan. Oh, his pathetic attempts to take you with a mouthful of ashes! Burnt banknotes! You didn't fall down. My respect grew. I realized you were the shaman man who would change everything. When I was at Tribeca as managing director and senior portfolio manager I grew the European long-short fund from $50 million to $380 million in just two years! How do you think I did that? O Master, I was one of the first! You were living in the desert, and your blog was nothing but a twinkle in your eye, but I was there with you - in spirit! I saw

[That's enough. I would delete this post, but I like the