Thursday, 21 October 2010

Morgan Stanley loses $91 million

Yes, Morgan Stanley has lost $91 million. But there is nothing to worry about. I once dropped a ten pound note outside a guitar shop in Uxbridge. I went back half an hour later to see if I could find it, and a nice lady was waiting for me, and she handed it over. That's karma. I'm a good person. Good things happen to good people. It's the same with banks. I know that Morgan Stanley will see this money again.

As we can all imagine, James Gorman is the chief executive of Morgan Stanley. (I like him. He's a great guy. He's making changes.) Mr Gorman says that Morgan Stanley is just looking for progress. Obviously, he is not satisfied with the bank's recent performance; but he believes in the future, the orgiastic future that year by year recedes before us. Tomorrow he will run faster and stretch out his arms farther. We all will - if we've got any sense.

Well, I have been speaking to Mr Gorman. This is what was said: 'Mikey, it's a sad affair, ain't it? (Losing $91 million?) Yeah. What am I going to do, man? (Jimmy, mate, you've got to think of the future. You're a great guy. Great things are coming, for you and the bank.) You're right, Mikey. I believe in the future, the orgiastic future that year by year recedes before us. (Of course you do! That's why they call you the Great Gorman.) Who calls me that?! (Well, no one actually. I was trying to bolster your ego a little bit. But I'm sure they will one day - whoever 'they' are.) Oh, the mythical 'they'. Where are 'they' when you need them? I don't know. I've just got me a real down at the moment. Michael, can I ask you a question? (Shoot. That's why they call me the Wizard.) I thought they called you the world's foremost financial shaman? (What's your question, Jimmy?) I don't know, I mean ... (The banking life, you mean?) I really, you know, I really wanna, I got some bad ideas in my head, I just ... (Yeah, I know. It happens to the best of them. Look at it this way, you know, uh, a man, a man takes a job, you know, and that job, I mean, like that, and that it becomes what he is. You know like, uh, you do a thing, and that's what you are. Like I've been a, I've been a financial shaman for over ten years, fifteen years maybe, in the astral night, and I still don't own my own cave. You know why? Because I don't want to. I must be what I, what I want. You know, to be on the astral night shift sharing caves with guys like Bobby. Understand? You, you, you become, you get a job, you, you become the job. One guy lives in Brooklyn, one guy lives in Shepherd's Bush, you get an analyst, another guy's a trader, another guy dies, another guy gets well, and you know, people are born. I envy you your youth. Go out and get laid. Get drunk, you know, do anything. Because you got no choice anyway. I mean, we're all fucked, more or less, you know.) Yeah, I don't know, Mikey. That's about the dumbest thing I ever heard. (I'm not Bertrand Russell. But what do ya want? I'm a shaman, you know. What do I know? I mean, I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about.) Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I don't know either. (Don't worry so much. Relax, killer, you're gonna be all right. I know. I seen a lot of people, and uh, I know.) Thanks, Mike.'

I enjoyed that conversation. It's very satisfying when you can help someone like that. It's good for the soul. And I hope you noticed how pleasant and well-mannered Mr Gorman was. Nothing like Lloyd. Well, who could be like him? John Gotti is dead.