Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Simon Somerville and the Japan Income Fund

I think it's about time we took a look at Simon Somerville and his Japan Income Fund. We all know he's been avoiding me. Some of these fund managers are so shy. By the way, it's not his fund. He doesn't own it. He just manages it. [He's a fund manager.] The fund actually belongs to Jupiter Asset Management. And you know what they say about Jupiter, don't you? They say Jupiter has an established reputation for delivering investment performance. Created as a performance-driven boutique, the company has now grown into a substantial institution without shedding its entrepreneurial, talent-based spirit. They say something along those lines. Not only that but they [the same they?] claim to be on the planet to perform. Pretty ironic really, considering what we know. And what do we know? We know there are enough financial shamans at Jupiter to take the firm off the planet in a peyote-induced fantasy until the end of time. And we also know that Jupiter does most of its business on the astral plane now, so what is it with this 'on the planet to perform' nonsense? Let me tell you, that's just for the squares, the investors. If only they knew what really went on! [The other they, the very other, the square investors.] But I digress. I'm supposed to be writing about Gillian Tett.

O Master, can you forget that dizzy bird for one minute and concentrate on business? You're supposed to be writing about Simon Somerville.

Dizzy bird?! O my child, you're ... I'll deal with you later. Right. Simon Somerville and the amazing dancing bear. No. The Japan Income Fund. My head is all over the place today. The Japan Income Fund. I love her. Not Simon. He's not a woman. And certainly not the bear. But ... the Japan Income Fund. Please!

'The Jupiter Japan Income Fund was up 3.7 percent in the 12 months to end-September, beating its Lipper Global Japan equity peers by 3 percentage points.'

Where the fuck did you get that?

Reuters - here.

Oh, and that's your job now, is it, putting quotes and links into my blog posts?

O Master -

I'm not even interested in the fund. Funds don't have any personality. It's people I'm interested in. Men and women like Simon Somerville. Do you know he has a degree in Economics from Durham University?

Who gives a shit?! 'The fund has a 3 percent overweight to financials expected to benefit from the Bank of Japan's liquidity injection.'

Oh great! That means a lot to me. Let me tell you about Simon. That man has got potential! Go to the Jupiter website. Take a look at him. There's something in his face. It's a cheerful face, but with a hint of melancholy. Always a winning combination! It's the face of a man who searches for truth. The seeds of wisdom are there. We must encourage them to grow. ALL IN THE FACE! I am a mystic. I know these things. I see them. I am a seer.