Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Bob Diamond will be getting his bonus soon

Bob Diamond will be getting his bonus any day now. £9 million or £10 million or God knows how much. But what will I be getting? Bob owes me at least half a million for all the consultancy work I've done for him. He's living the high life. I'm sitting in the shit. Something's not right about this situation.

Well, I have been speaking to Mr Diamond. This is what was said: 'Mikey, why were you speaking to Lloyd yesterday? You don't work for him no more. (At least he used to pay me. Where's my fucking money, Bobby?) You'll get your money, don't worry. You know your problem, Mike? You worry too much. Everything is, or will be, roses. When I get paid, you'll get paid. (You're going to pay me out of your own pocket?) Yes. I am. Why don't you let me take you out to dinner? (I don't won’t to go to dinner. I just want my money. If I wanted dinner, I would have gone with that Nicholas Berggruen arsehole.) You'll get your money, all right?! We all know why you feel bad about Nick. (Don't mention that prick!) You're the one who brought him up. (Let's talk about something else. That fucking -) Mikey, come on, man. Let it go. (What's he got that I ain't got?) This bitterness isn't helping. I'm telling you, Mike. I've seen it destroy so many men. If that's her idea of a good time, what can you do? It's a shame, but what can you do? (I'm just going to throw myself into my work.) That's better. Think positive. You're writing a post about your angel for Valentine's Day, aren't you? (Yeah.) Got a title for it? (Love is a dying star heavier than the sun.) Oh, that's beautiful, Mike! You know, you're a goddamn poet. Anyone ever tell you that? (Yeah. It don't make me happy.) That's worth more than money. That's special. I wish I were a poet. I'm just a grey banker that everyone hates. (They don't hate you, Bobby.) Mikey, they hate me. I know it. (It's jealousy.) What have I got to do to make people love me? (I don't know. It's a crazy world we're living in.) Damn straight. (That's why I dig the desert so much.) It's why I dig it, Mike. A man can be what he wants to be in the desert. And those ghosts, they look at me. Oh, they may see the banker and his money, but - (Bobby, they see a soul crying out for love in the wilderness.) You're right! (They see some kid from the streets who made good but who still has the hunger inside.) I'm welling up. You really know me. (Bobby, you're going to be all right. So am I. Why should we care that the fools of this cold world have no love for us?) We will burn forever!'

We will burn forever. Amen. That's probably the smartest thing I've ever heard Bob Diamond say. He's a decent man. I wish people would appreciate him more.