Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Who is Samir Barai?

Samir Barai? Let me tell you, whoever he is, he's in a lot of trouble right now. He's been charged by the SEC with insider trading. He's been arrested by the Feds! The CIA and the Marine Corps are after him. And worse than all that, far worse, Mr Jack Pickles, the world's most demonic financier, wants a word with him. Oh dear. Poor old Samir doesn't have what you would call a bright future, does he? He has a dark future, in hell.

Or am I being too harsh? Let Samir speak for himself!

I am Samir Barai, the founder and portfolio manager of Barai Capital Management. It's not as bad as it sounds, all the stuff you've heard about me. I can deal with the SEC, the Feds, the Navy SEALs, and Delta Force. As for Mr Jack Pickles, I think you should know that Jack is a personal friend of mine. I've spent time at his house in the Cayman Islands. He is a lovely man. He doesn't have an evil bone in his body. If he wants a word with me, so be it! I have nothing to fear. I think you'll find, dear reader, that Mr Michael Fowke is the demonic one. That man lives in darkness! He -

No. That's enough. I'm not going to give him a platform to besmirch my good name. This was an opportunity for him to come clean, maybe even make his peace with God, or at least Big Herb, but you can't help some people, can you? Shame.