Monday 28 February 2011

I'll fight George Kanaan ...

... if he wants a fight. I'm not scared of him. Mark Fitzgerald might be scared of him, but I'm not. Yeah, George is head of UBS'[ssssss] institutional sales desk in Sydney, Australia. And Mark is some sort of executive director, if you can believe that. Anyway, they got into a fight last week over whose turn it was to strap the bank's healing crystal to their head. Which is a big mistake. Not strapping the crystal to the head. No, that's perfectly fine. ONLY HAVING ONE CRYSTAL. That's the mistake! Who has ever heard of bankers having to share a healing crystal? Every banker, or at least every senior banker, should have his (or her) [or its] own crystal. One crystal per soul! That's what I've always said. No wonder fights are breaking out. When you're stressed, when the trading ain't nowhere near over, you need to reach out for something. Let's face it, if it ain't gonna be a crystal, it's gonna be the face of a colleague - and SMACK! They're on the floor! Bloody mouth of broken teeth!

I thought UBS had this all sorted out. I told the bank a couple of years ago what it had to do. (I even made sure - personally, with my personal touch - that a dozen or so of its bankers were strapped. Not in the 2Pac sense, you understand.) Why doesn't anyone listen to me? Well, actually, brilliantly, wonderfully, and with quite a bit of humility, you'd be surprised (but not that Viniar, even though he's a thug 4 life) Goldman listens, and BarCap listens; and look how well they're doing. Bobby's got everyone strapped. That's BarCap. Not the whole bank yet. And Lloyd, he doesn't quite understand, but he does it because he knows it's good for business. And it is good for business, having everyone chilled, not crashing around with fists flying. I shouldn't even have to explain this stuff any more. It's all common sense, ain't it?

George Kanaan doesn't look all that tough to me. I don't see a problem, if he wants to throw his weight around and act like the Abominable Hulk. I'll take him. Having said that, I am essentially a man of peace. I will give him a chance. I'll give peace a chance. The ball's in his court. And Mark Fitzgerald? Well, he's got to start standing up for himself. I learnt a long time ago in the Legion that people will walk all over you if you let them. They'll nick your pork scratchings. Or they'll hide your tankard where you can't find it. Or they'll use your darts without permission. They won't care. It's a dog-eat-dog world.