Monday, 21 February 2011

What's this Renshaw Bay all about?

Is it a new holiday resort that Bill Withers has established? Don't be so bloody ridiculous! He's busy with his music, as I should be with mine, instead of this blogging lark, but that's another matter. [Oh dear. He ain't recording no more! That's a shame. I bet he still writes songs though.] No, Renshaw Bay is some sort of boutique investment hedge fund and asset management firm. And it's BILL WINTERS! He's the mastermind behind it. He's the brains of the operation. Lord Jacob Rothschild is a bit of a thicko from what I've heard. And Bill Withers has nothing to do with it.

I'm glad we've cleared that up. We don't want confusion this early on a Monday morning. If Jacob is reading this, we don't want him thinking he's gone into business with a retired R&B singer. It will just upset him. Oh, it's a lovely day. Nice blue sky. [It was blue.] A few fluffy clouds. I might book me one of those apartments. I fancy getting away for a week or two.

I wish I could concentrate. It's my consciousness, you see. It's all over the shop. I've never had any control, and I'm sure I never will. But enough of my problems. Let's make the effort to focus on Renshaw Bay. Bill Winters has been speaking to no one in particular. He said: 'Our objective is to build a global alternative asset management and advisory business for our founding shareholders as well as other sophisticated investors who value our strong focus on risk management and alignment between investors and investment managers.' Well, that's wonderful, ain't it? And I like the bit about the sophisticated investors. I imagine they will be real cultured as well. Bill isn't the sort who deals with riff-raff.

By the way, do you know that Winters is an ex-JPMorgan man? Of course you know! Everyone has heard about the fight he had with Jamie Dimon. Not everyone has the inside story though. Apparently, Jamie didn't want Bill using his meditation CDs. These were CDs that I had especially recorded for Jamie's personal use. But Bill would keep sneaking into Jamie's office while he was out and putting the CDs on. That wasn't so bad. However, Bill insisted on burning his fucking joss sticks as well, which made the office smell like a Turkish brothel. It pissed Jamie right off, and that's why they came to blows and why Bill had to leave the bank. I actually like both of them. I eventually recorded some CDs for Bill, at his request, and he paid me handsomely.