Wednesday, 17 August 2016

"Brexit has been disastrous for UK pensions"

Yes, er, it's the Wednesday morning PR email, back by popular demand. (There's no news around, man. So I'll probably be doing another one tomorrow, maybe two.) Anyway, Nigel Green has something to say about Brexit, pensions, and inflation. 'Nigel Green, boss?' Yes, you know, Voice, the Bubbles deVere Group guy, the founder and chief executive. 'Oh, right. We've had him on before.' Of course we have.

Anyway ...

Today's (uh, yesterday's) inflation rise heralds yet more misery for already deficit-laden British pension funds and the UK economy - and it is only likely to get worse, warns the CEO of one of the world's largest independent financial advisory organizations.


The warning from Nigel Green, founder and chief executive of the Bubbles deVere Group, comes after the annual rate of CPI reached 0.6 per cent in July, and increased from 0.5 per cent in June.

And inflation will get worse! 'Yeah, he said that, boss.' Shut up!

Mr Green affirms: "This post-Brexit inflation rise doesn't sound like much. However, inflation is now at its highest level since November 2014 and it is a bad omen for pensions and the wider economy moving forward. We can expect inflation's upward trend to gain momentum as the Brexit battered pound's depreciation really begins to take hold in 2017."

Just great! Really.

He continues: "The inflation rise heralds yet more misery for already deficit-laden British pension funds and the UK economy. The black holes engulfing many company pension schemes are set to get even worse due to today's increase in inflation. The funding gap is likely to soon reach £1tn."

Black holes, too! 'Outer space shit, boss!' Tell me about it!

"More pressure is the last thing these schemes need. They have seen their deficits grow due to falling gilts following the Brexit decision and due to the Bank of England cutting interest rates to 0.25 per cent and boosting Quantitative Easing (QE) by £60bn, in an attempt to cushion the UK from a Brexit shock recession. All in all, Brexit has been disastrous for UK pensions."

'But we've got control and sovereignty now!' Shut up, you utter moron! / Sorry, Nigel. I can't get the staff. Please continue.

He adds: "The scale of these enormous deficits casts doubt on the very survival of many company pension schemes and in order to survive they will need to make drastic changes to the terms of employees' pension schemes. Unfortunately, I think we can expect the Brexit impact to topple some firms and their pension schemes. As the black holes grow, companies running such pension schemes will need to divert increasing levels of funding to plug the gap instead of using this money to invest. This is bad news for the UK's sustainable long-term economic growth."

It's just so depressing, man.

The Bubbles deVere CEO concludes: "Brexit has helped create the mother of all storms for pensions and I don't believe we're even in the eye of that storm yet."


Well, well ... / I just ... I don't know, you dig? 'Never mind, Mikey. How's your music coming along? Cheer us all up.' Ha! I don't do updates no more. 'Oh, come on. What about your other new tune, from yesterday?' How do you know I got another one yesterday, Voice? 'I was watching.' I've warned you about that!

Yeah, reader(s), I got one more. It needs a bit of work, but it should give me my fourth tune for the new improved demo. I only need three lyrics now. 'Is one song an instrumental then?!' No, fuck off! That song is finished, words and music.

Ah, laters.