Wednesday, 3 August 2016

Mick McGuire's Marcato Capital Management gained ...

... 'Gained what, boss?' It gained 10.4 per cent last month, which is pretty good considering every other hedge fund loses money these days. 'It's Richard, by the way.' Pardon? 'It's Richard McGuire. That's his name.' Don't be ridiculous! His name is Mick. He's Mick McGuire. His LinkedIn profile says so. 'It's wrong.' It's not wrong! Everyone calls him Mick. 'Ha! They can call him Doris, if they want to. Doris Day. I'm telling you his name is Richard McGuire.' But Mick is short for Michael. 'I know it is.'

WTF?! Uh, let's move on, dear reader(s). There isn't too much information about Marcato Capital online. (Well, I couldn't find much. 'You're lazy.') This is from Bloomberg though -

Marcato Capital Management, LLC is an employee owned hedge fund sponsor. The firm provides its services to pooled investment vehicles. It invests in the public equity markets of the United States. The firm invests in value stocks. It employs a fundamental analysis to make its investments. Marcato Capital Management, LLC was founded on October 1, 2010 and is based in San Francisco, California.

'Ha!' What?! 'Ha!' What, Voice?! You're getting on my nerves now. 'Look at this from Bloomberg -'

Mr. Richard Trainor McGuire, III, also known as Mick, is the Founder, Chief Executive Officer, and Portfolio Manager at Marcato Capital Management, LLC, and has been its Managing Partner since October 2009. Mr. McGuire manages a select number of passive and activist investments across all industries with a primary focus on opportunities in middle-market public equities at the firm. He has spent his entire career in private and public equity investing.

Well ... 'Ha!' All right, all right, smart arse. Look at this -

This person is connected to 0 Board Members in 0 different organizations across 2 different industries.

Ha, ha, ha! 'Ha, er, ha! So what? It's the usual thing.' Yeah, yeah ... / Why on earth ... I'll tell you what, dear reader(s). IT'S A MISTAKE!!! 'Eh?' Mr McGuire thinks that Mick is short for Richard. But it's not! He should be calling himself "Dick". 'Or Dickie.' No, Dick will do. It's just a mistake, that's all. And no one has had the decency to tell the poor man. 'Oh dear. Finance can be such a cruel business.' You're not wrong, Voice!


Anything else? I'm listening to Amy Winehouse, Back to Black. 'Any music updates, Mikey?' No. 'Oh, go on!' No!

I ain't got nothing to say. I just need to be inspired, man. 'You need more musical dreams, is what you need.' Ha! I dreamt last night about an asteroid smashing into London. 'Christ!' Yeah. It missed my house, fortunately. I was watching from the window, like. 'Nice.' Never mind. What a life, eh?!