Wednesday, 18 November 2015

Achievement Asset Management is closing

Yeah, and it's returning capital to investors, as YOU(!) ... would expect. They'll have to invest somewhere else now. 'And Joe, boss?' Joe, who? 'Joe the boss.' Yes, Voice. Joe, who? 'No, Joe is the boss, the chief executive, the founder, of Achievement Asset Management.' Oh, you mean, Joe Scooby? 'Er ... Joe Scoby.' Joe Scoby, of course. Well, it all depends, man. Bloomberg calls him ... Mr Joseph Francis Scoby! 'Ha! What else does Bloomberg say?' You wouldn't believe me if I told you. 'Try me.' Okay. It's your funeral ... This person is connected to 0 Board Members in 0 different organizations across 3 different industries. 'Ha! Some things never change.'

Yes, dear reader(s), Achievement Asset Management. I've never heard of it before, but, er, it's based in Chicago, and even has an office in London, which is nice. 'What was the problem, boss?' The fund made some unsuccessful bets on energy-related corporate bonds, apparently. 'It's easily done.' Well, Voice, you have to bet on something, you dig? That's the problem with running a hedge fund. Investors give you their money, and then you have to .. invest it, I suppose. / I sometimes think though, if I were running a fund, I would just keep the money in a high-interest savings account. 'Ha! Or maybe just put it all on red at the local casino.' No. That would be silly, man.

So, what's Joe going to do now? If he's got any sense he'll get out of the business. I mean, he's fifty, yeah? A good age for early retirement. He doesn't need this grief any more. Finance isn't what it was - you know this, dear reader(s). 'Yeah, thanks to you!' And the credit crunch, crisis, whatever. I can't take all the blame.


Anything else? Music? Politics? 'Both!' All right.

Music first. / I recorded my best version yet!!! ... of You're Lying last night. I don't think it's good enough to use, but it means I'm making progress. The thing is, it's really a crooner's song, and I'm no crooner. 'You're no Tony Bennett, Mikey. More like Gordon Bennett.' Shut it, you slag! [Idiot! Why do I employ him?] No, I'll probably never get a version I'm completely happy with. And you've got to bear in mind that crooners don't have to play the guitar while they're singing.

Politics second. / I'm starting to worry about Jeremy Corbyn a bit. 'Oh no! Really?' I still support his anti-austerity policies, and I still think he's a nice guy. However, his views on defence and security aren't all that great, you know? He seems to think the whole world is made of marshmallow and fluffy bunny rabbits. But it ain't! I wish it was, my dear reader(s), but it just ain't.