Tuesday, 17 November 2015

Simon Brazier: "The UK economy ain't back in business, man!"

Obviously, that's not him saying that, Simon Brazier of Investec UK Alpha fund fame. No! He's saying ... 'Christ!' / Er, for reasons best known to himself. 'What's his problem, boss?' I think his problem, Voice, is that he lives in Fund Manager World. 'Oh dear.' Which isn't much different from Politician World or Journalist World. 'Oh God.' / You see, dear reader(s), our Simon has no knowledge or experience of bedsits and bags of chips, benefit offices and discount supermarket baked beans, zero hour contracts and betting shops, etc, etc, etc ... 'I've just looked at his LinkedIn profile, boss.' Okay. Go on. 'Simon studied sculpture at St. Martin's College.' Ha! You're joking, Voice, but I know what you're saying.

Listen to me, my reader(s) ... 'Hear his voice! And mine!' Shut up! Oh, foolish ones, listen to me ...

IN THE REAL WORLD!!! ... everything is fucked. Try to understand. I beg YOU(!)! Just try! 'Please!' The UK economy ain't back in business, man. Unemployment is massively high, not what the government says it is. Debt is out of control. And new jobs?! NEW JOBS?! Seriously, don't make me laugh, please. 'Please!' The new jobs are self-employed or low wage or zero hour or just ... UTTER BULLSHIT!!!

NOW!!! ... I ain't got nothing against Simon Brazier. I've written about him before -

Well ... Simon said he was leaving and then Blake got upset, incredibly upset. 'Oh dear.' So Simon said, "Why don't you come with me, Blake?" 'Ah!' And then Blake started jumping up and down like a little puppy, full of joy.

So, I'm sure he's a nice guy. I mean, he looks after his friends. Blake Hutchins would be lost without him.

However, he needs to get out more, yeah? He needs to see how the other 99 per cent live. Sermon over.


Anything else? Guitar? Lead guitar? Don't ask me about You're Lying. You can ask me about my lead guitar playing. 'What about your lead guitar playing, Mikey?' Oh, I'm glad you asked. I can play just as well standing up now as sitting down. 'Is it more difficult standing up?' You bet your ass it is, boy! A lot of the time you can't see where your fingers and pick are going, so ... 'You have to use the Force.' Exactly! It's pretty mystical, really.