Monday, 2 July 2018

Seven thousand Teslas in seven days!

Wow! Not bad, eh? 'And seven brides for seven brothers!' What?! Shut up, idiot! I'm talking about Tesla. 'I know, boss!' / Well, anyway, look at this email, dear reader(s) -

From: Elon Musk

To: Everybody

Subj. 7000

Jul. 1, 12:37 PM

We did it!! What an incredible job by an amazing team. Couldn't be more proud to work with you. It is an honor.

The level of dedication and creativity was mind-blowing. We either found a way or, by will and inventiveness, created entirely new solutions that were thought impossible.

Intense in tents. Transporting entire production lines across the world in massive cargo planes. Whatever. It worked.

Not only did we factory gate over 5000 Model 3's, but we also achieved the S & X production target for a combined 7000 vehicle week!

What's more, with the widespread productivity gains throughout Tesla and the new production lines spooling up, we are on track to reach 6k/week for Model 3 next month.

I think we just became a real car company …

Thank you for your hard work and dedication,


NOW ... I'm tired of telling shorts and any other fucking idiots who want to have a pop at him. This is what Elon does, man. Like Hannibal. End of story. 'Eh? Hannibal Lecter?!' No, not him. The guy with the elephants. 'What guy with the elephants?!' Shut up, Voice! Please.

I can't get the staff.


Right. Anything else? Er ... well, I've been looking through my PR emails, and they're all crypto shit! Doesn't anyone run hedge funds no more?! It's hedge fund news I like. 'They think that because you're the founder, CEO, inventor, and chairman of Mikeycoin you're naturally going to be interested in what they're talking about.' Ha! Well, I'm not, Voice. Mikeycoin is just a joke that got out of hand, that's all. 'Maybe it will exist one day, boss. Remember your idea to give Mikeycoins away with concert tickets?' Ha! Forget about it!


Right. Okay, okay. Uh. Anything else? 'You've done else.' I mean, music else. 'Oh.' Yeah, I found another piece of the jigsaw for my musical development at the weekend, man. Herbert von Karajan. 'Who?!' The conductor, you philistine! 'Oh.' He had a bit of a dodgy Nazi past, and I'm trying not to think about that, BUT(!) ... the passion, and the intensity, and the sheer spiritual power of this guy are something else. LOOK!!! Jim Morrison was never ever this much of a shaman!

Laters. 'No. 623?' Yes, Voice. Later. 'Bye, reader(s)!' Later(s), crocodile(s)!