Thursday, 30 July 2020

Online sales tax

Dear oh dear. Voice! 'What, boss?' I'll tell you who won't like this online sales tax. 'Jinksy.' Christ! Yes. But let me say it. This is my blog, man. 'Go on then.' All right. Jinsky. Jinksy won't like it.

And here's his PR email. He doesn't like it. -

The Chancellor is reportedly contemplating a new online sales tax to raise £2 billion a year to create a 'sustainable and meaningful revenue source for the government'. The home delivery expert ParcelHero says Britain's increasing army of online shoppers must not be duped into paying the cost of The Thing.

Well, well ... someone's got to pay for The Thing. Do we seriously imagine the rich will be paying? 'No, no, no. The poor always pay, boss. They're the ones with all the money, after all.' Eh? 'Well, they waste it on chips - like you.' Ha! There's nothing with chips, son. Chips are the greatest food ever invented. I'm having some tonight.

Anyway ...

Oh, I'm a bit worn out today, dear reader(s). I walked ten miles yesterday, to Richmond and back, in blazing heat. I don't recommend that, no.

Anyway ...

The Government is reportedly examining how the 'the tax system raises sufficient revenue' to cover the cost of lost business rates, as The Thing continues to bankrupt many High Street businesses. The Times newspaper reported on Monday that, following last week's Treasury consultation paper on business rates, Chancellor Sunak is considering a 2% levy on goods sold online. ParcelHero, the UK e-commerce delivery expert, warns this new charge would be in addition to the recently announced 'plastic bags-style tax' on home deliveries the Government plans to introduce, in order to force shoppers to rethink their use of home deliveries.

Rethink their use of home deliveries?! WTF?! Let's be honest, kook(s), the government doesn't know what it wants. Wear a mask, don't wear a mask. Go to the shops, don't go to the shops. Jump off the roof, don't jump off the roof. 'They're a bunch of cretins, boss.' Tell me about it, Voice. Tell me about it! 'Okay, well -' Not now! Later, idiot!

Anyway ...

ParcelHero's Head of Consumer Services, David Jinks MILT, says home shoppers should not be duped into footing the bill for the impact of The Thing: "During lockdown, shoppers of all ages have turned to e-commerce so they can continue to shop safely from their own home. That is a sensible choice and consumers must not be punished for being wary of returning to shopping centres and crowded stores. The Treasury paper says: 'Historical trends in online retail sales, and the more recent increases driven by The Thing, suggests that while an online sales tax would not replace business rates, it could still provide a sustainable and meaningful revenue source for the government.' That means the Government is well aware many people have been driven to online shopping because of their concerns over The Thing but it is prepared to make those people pay more to restore the Government's coffers. The Treasury goes on to say that it needs to '… ensure that the tax system raises sufficient revenue to fund the services that have been essential parts of The Thing response, as well as public services more broadly.' ..."

Okay, okay. Thanks, Jinksy! 'What about the rest of it?' The rest of what? 'Jinksy's speech.' Yeah, right.

Ha! The rest of it! Dream on!

...

Anything else? Yeah. Getting rid of the cosmic triplets idea of me, Julius, and Elon makes it easier for me to believe that I'm the reincarnation of Julius Caesar. I mean, that makes more sense to me than anything else. Do you know what I mean?

The other day I was thinking to myself ... How would Caesar write songs? Then I played a few of my songs and realized he would do exactly what I've done. So, I reckon I will be able to become the greatest ever songwriter with only ten big ones. As Caesar says in that film ... "It's not numbers but vision that wins wars."

Oh, and if this all sounds crazy to anyone ... ha, ha, ha! Like I've ever cared what anything sounds like.

You could learn a lot from me, kook(s).

'Listen to him!'

Be the kook you want to be.

Just don't be square.

Laters!