Monday, 15 September 2014

Aviva Investors has dumped its Global Convertibles Absolute Return fund on Westwood Holdings

Yeah, it's a smart move. (Westwood Holdings is a US firm, by the way. Bit of extra detail.) Fund managers David Clott and Shawn Mato have been kicked out of Aviva Investors, too, because ... they each have a hard-on for hard work. Ha!

Well, I have been speaking to the chief executive of Aviva Investors, Euan Munro. This is what was, er, spoken between us: 'Mikey, beautiful, ain't it, this move? Am I a genius, or am I a genius? (Yeah, you're pretty smart, Euan.) The summer-in-the-park-eating-ice-cream season may be coming to an end but this decision to get rid of two hard-working fund managers and their cockamamie fund means we'll be able to concentrate on the upcoming winter-in-the-pub-drinking-Stella season with no distractions. (Didn't Schroders want the fund?) Well, they manage all our other funds. However, we thought it would be taking the piss asking them to look after the Global Convertibles Absolute Return fund as well. (Oh, you're such crazy guys at Aviva Investors! But this is the future of finance, man.) Yeah. We were thinking of following you into the rock and roll game, Mikey. (Really?) Yeah. Then we read about all the guitar practice you do, and I said to one of the guys here, "Sod that for a game of soldiers!" Do you know what I mean? (Well, it is hard work, Euan. I can only get to the pub once a week.) Once a week?! Ridiculous!'

Ridiculous, dear reader(s)? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. The way I see it I'm building a future for myself. I am knackered half the time though. I suppose I sort of envy the Aviva Investors mob.


Lunch? Oh, give me a chance, man. I haven't been to the shop yet. / Er, I'll probably get a cheese sandwich, but no crisps and no Coke. I'm seriously gonna get healthy now, so ... I'll have a yoghurt and a mug of tea with the sandwich.

After lunch? Use your imagination ...