Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Whistleblower gets $30 million from the SEC!

Not bad, is it? '$30 million, Mikey! Did he win the lottery?' No. Open your ears, Voice. 'I haven't got any ears, man.' Christ. He or she, I mean the whistleblower, was given $30 million by the Securities and Exchange Commission in America. 'For what?!' For supplying them with some information about a fraud. 'Oh, I get it. If you wanna squeal, said the SEC, we can make a deal, make it worth your while. So he told them all, and in return he got a credit card and a Thunderbird, and the maximum security even after plastic surgery. So, go on and squeal, said the SEC, we can make a deal, make it worth your while.' Well, I'm sure it wasn't quite like that, Voice. 'Who is this chivato, anyway?' I don't know. The SEC hasn't named the whistleblower.

But it's given me an idea. 'Really? What?' Well, we all know the whole world is totally corrupt, don't we? 'Yeah.' So, all I've got to do is let the SEC know. 'Eh?' Man, listen. I phone the SEC, right? 'Yeah.' And I tell whoever answers the phone: They're all at it, son. Everyone! Everyone in banking, in business, in politics. Everyone is corrupt. Now, give me money. 'Brilliant!' What about that, eh? Eh?! 'You're a genius, boss!' I know. I reckon they'll give me billions for that information. 'Everyone else in the world will get fined and go to prison though.' Er ... that's not my problem, man. Don't play with fire unless you want to get burned. 'Don't even be born, boss.' That's even better advice, Voice. / People have only got themselves to blame.


And in other news ... The FCA in our glorious Great Britain has fined Barclays £38 million for breaching City rules requiring clients' funds to be kept separate from the bank's own assets. 'Jesus!' / Do you see what I mean, dear reader(s)?

And that's why I'm going to be playing my guitar for the rest of the day. Playing the guitar is a lot like joining the French Foreign Legion. You can just forget the world.