Thursday, 18 September 2014

Who is Ben Maynard at Aviva Investors?

Well, it goes without saying that he's Ben Maynard at Aviva Investors. Er ... is there anything else you need to know? 'Your readers need more than that, Mikey.' Why, Voice, why?! 'They just do. So tell them. Come on! Tell them who Ben Maynard is.' All right. Ben Maynard is the ideas man at Aviva Investors. 'Brilliant! Investment ideas, yeah?' No, don't be silly. They don't do any investing, do they? Ben is in charge of entertainment and events. 'Eh?' Like the Christmas party last year. Ben had the great idea of hiring a bouncy castle. 'Really?' Yeah. They put it up in the office. / And Ben is the one that makes sure everyone has enough ice cream in the summer. And in winter he decides which pubs they're going to. 'Don't they have a regular pub?' That would be boring, Voice. It's Ben's job to keep everyone excited and full of enthusiasm for Aviva Investors. 'Are you sure, boss? It's just that I've read Ben is the new head of equity derivatives in the multi-asset team, responsible for coming up with investment ideas.' Ha! Nonsense! This "head of equity derivatives" thing is an honorary title. 'Oh.' Yeah. It means nothing. But it stops any clients from getting worried. 'How?' Well, imagine the scene ... A client visits Aviva Investors, and they see Ben making a fool of himself, maybe walking around the office with a pair of fake breasts. The client says: "Who is that man?!" And then Euan Munro, as quick as a flash, says: "That's Ben Maynard, our head of equity derivatives. He's responsible for coming up with investment ideas." Immediately, the client's mind is put at rest. 'Clever.' But if Euan were to say: "Oh, Benny? He's a total nutjob, but we love the guy. You won't believe what he's got planned for Friday," the client would probably walk out the door.


Obviously, I'll be taking Benny for a spin after lunch, No. 252. / Lunch? No surprises. Cheese sandwich. I'm not complaining.