Wednesday, 17 September 2014

Citigroup has $62 trillion of open contracts!

Well, it did have ... at the end of June. You know, derivatives. I don't know how many open contracts Citigroup has now. ('Probably around the same, boss. Although JPMorgan has more.') Not sure I really care. Still, it's impressive, ain't it? I just hope there's not a big disaster or anything. We don't want another crisis. Imagine all the exciting stories, banks collapsing and shit. The financial media hates exciting stories like that.

It's much better to write about trillions in open contracts. ('Trillions!') Trillions!!! All that money ... / Uh ... well. Christ. / In other news, someone has bought a diamond, a blue one, for $28 million - which is nothing. ('Ha!') Nothing! We were talking about trillions of dollars only a moment ago, now we're talking about millions. ('Not even billions, Mikey. Fucking hell!') It's pretty depressing ... / I feel sorry for the guy who has bought it. How must he feel knowing that there are trillions of dollars in the world? He must realize he ain't impressing anyone with his new diamond.

Of course, the guy who dug it out of the ground got ... what? What did he get, exactly?! ('He kept his job, boss.') Christ! (Why is Voice in brackets today?) / I reckon there are planets in outer space made of pure diamond. 'Really? / Oh, screw the brackets, man!' Hello, Voice. Yeah, I'm sure I've read about them. You know what? I'd like to build a spaceship, man, and visit one of these planets, cut big chunks out of it, and then bring the chunks of diamond back to earth. I wouldn't be Mr Popular, would I? I'd still like to do it though. 'What?! You'd be popular with the ladies, boss.' I'm talking about the mining companies, Voice. I'd put them out of business.

Anything else? Well, I've got my favourite cheese sandwich for lunch today, from Morrisons. Cheese and Tomato. Only £1. A bargain! / After lunch, I'll be working on a conceptual, No. 251. A diamond as big as a planet. 'Nice one!' Yeah ...