Monday, 3 November 2014

Centerbridge Partners is turning money down!

Eh?! These cats are crazy, man! Who has ever heard of such a thing?! 'We have.' Please take my money ... No! We don't want it. We have enough. Absolutely bizarre! There must be some explanation. 'There is, boss. Centerbridge Partners has a third equity fund. They wanted roughly $6 billion for it. Investors offered them $11 billion. It's no big deal. It happens all the time in finance.' Oh.

Well, that's the end of the story. A bit disappointing, really. So, er ... / 'Centerbridge Partners is a multi-strategy investment firm that focuses on leveraged buyouts and distressed securities.' And why are you telling me that, Voice? 'I'm telling your readers, man. Someone's got to do the work.' What are you saying? 'Nothing.' This is a Monday morning, Voice. I don't need your attitude on a Monday morning, yeah? 'Yeah.' Listen, son. The readers who know financial stuff will probably already know what Centerbridge does. And the readers who don't know, who actually hate finance, won't give a shit anyway. 'What are they here for, then?' The laughs. 'On a Monday morning?' They can read this any time. I wish I hadn't started now ...

Christ. Let's put some music on. John Coltrane, A Love Supreme. [I'm listening to the first part. Give me a couple of minutes.] No! Wrong time. 'The night time is the right time, Mikey!' Yeah. / AC/DC, Back in Black, the album. 'Let's rock!' This is more like it!


Other news? Well ... / What about that Angela Merkel, eh? A proper stateswoman. Not like our Dave. No shouting, no banging fists, no red face, just ... Maybe you should leave. Classy!

I suppose it's for the best that we do leave. You know, become a free independent country ruled by America. However, after four years of Tory government I'm thinking that maybe the European Union is the only thing that is keeping this country civilized. Without the EU, our Old Etonian masters would run riot and anyone not born with a silver spoon in their mouth would be in deep shit. / Well, deeper shit.


Let me put my love into you, babe. 'What?!' AC/DC, Voice. The lyrics. 'Oh, thank God!' Idiot!