Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Independent Franchise Partners does not want your money

It has too much money. It has $5 billion. That is far too much, isn't it? (No.) All raised in two years! Hassan Elmasry must be some sort of genius. That is the only explanation. Mr Elmasry is the founder of Independent Franchise Partners. He used to be one of those heads at Morgan Stanley. But he has grown since then. Gone beyond mere headness to find a torso, and arms, and legs. He has achieved so much. He even has a soul. I believe that Mr Elmasry is one of these financial characters we can believe in. He has a few partners, as you might expect. Michael Allison, Paras Dodhia, John Kelly-Jones, Jayson Vowles. They are all happy and smiling men, and they are all committed to delivering attractive long-term returns while focusing on the absolute risks inherent in equity investment. Who could ask for more? It's a beautiful state of affairs. It must be like paradise on earth over at their offices.

So why do I feel so uneasy? I guess I'm a man who can ask for more. Enough is never enough for the world's foremost financial shaman. I always want more. It's the story of my life. I want more money, more blood, and more fire. In short, I want more life. And not just for myself. Wanting more life for every soul in the universe is the story of my life. I want Hassan, Michael, Paras, John, and Jayson to have more life. I want to see these men push themselves beyond their limits. Mr Elmasry had the right idea, initially, reaching out beyond mere headness. But why stop there? He has achieved a full and convincing reality in this world, and raised $5 billion, and congratulations are certainly in order, but he must stretch his hands out now. With his fingertips, he must touch the sky. (Oh, touch those white clouds, Mr Elmasry! Then everything will be within your grasp.) It is the way of the shaman. The way of the dissatisfied man. Satisfaction is death. That's the terrible truth. We weren't taught it in school, but it is the truth.

Not too many people like the truth. Yes, I understand. A lot of people actively hate it. Why make yourself uncomfortable? Why stare in the mirror and see the horrors of existence? Why torture yourself with dreams of a better tomorrow, knowing that today is hell? All good questions. And I have more. But now is not the time for asking questions. It is not even the time for supplying answers to the weak and useless. Hassan, Michael, Paras, John, and Jayson are wanting (with such desperation) to be lifted out of themselves. I feel responsible for them. Don't ask me why. It's ridiculous. I haven't signed a contract. No money has exchanged hands. Only love. (No hands. A spiritual thing. Brotherhood. There was no physical contact.) I love these men. And they love me. And it is more respectable than you can imagine. I will lift them up. I will carry them if I have to. (Mr Elmasry, put those hands away, fingertips and all. I am here to save you.) I feel just like Jesus Christ sometimes.