Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Lloyd Blankfein and Gary Cohn together forever with a hedge fund?

It's not impossible. They could leave Goldman Sachs together and then be together forever with their own hedge fund. It'd be something they could share. And the money they raised would spin around in their heads. It would feel a whole lot different. Not the same as Goldman money. A new experience. I'm not saying I want them to leave. But maybe their work is done. I'm not saying their work is done. Just trying to understand. They are emotional men. Love can slash them like a razor. I've seen it happen. I've seen the blood, and the cuts to their faces. It's a loss of control. Writing about it / is / dangerous. It could infect me. My thoughts, my ideas, might even / touch / you. That's you, reader, on the floor, if you want it. A boot in the stomach. A smack to your mouth. Then your teeth dancing on the linoleum. We get worked up! Lloyd, Gary, this soul that I am, or seem to be, when I'm strong. You're aching to get involved. I know you. Roll, roll, roll, with me, and the lads, on the floor. I'm waiting. I'm seeing this like it's really happening. It is the fantasy you came here for, you little slag. Be honest. This story of Lloyd Blankfein and Gary Cohn was never going to satisfy you. Why can't you be honest with me, and yourself?

You wanted more than a story about Lloyd Blankfein and Gary Cohn leaving Goldman Sachs to start their own hedge fund. Do I look like Charlie Gasparino to you? Do I look like any of the dull ones? I'm blue, yellow, and red. That's real pain, real love, real evil. Get used to it. (You should be used to it by now.) I'm here all week, and next week, and the week after. I'm committed. This is my season in the world of finance. Four years! A long time. Who knows when the end will come?! When I'm bored? I'm already bored. I'm making my own entertainment. I can't be stopped! This is a nightmare, for the professionals. 'Oh, it's a serious thing. You can't talk like this. Please go away.' But there isn't anything serious in their reality. They only imagined it! Can you believe how stupid some people are? Never mind. I look at the stars. Like last night, with that supermoon. That's when I calm down. That's when I forget. And it's when I remember, all the important stuff.


I keep promising myself that I will calm down. Maybe I should only write at night. Maybe I should leave London. I would like to live in Cornwall, with -------. That would be the perfect life. Right now, nothing is the way I want it to be. I live in hell. That's where the chaos is. That's where the voices and the characters come from. The first paragraph of this post is sickening to me. I will not change it. The best thing would be to move forward, into the light. But I'm not kidding myself. It will take years. Ten years into the future, like you don't believe. However, I believe. I can see the future. Forget stars and supermoons. Think of the sun. Imagine its warmth. And the blue sky. And the blue sea. [- ---- ---, -------.]