Tuesday, 10 May 2016

Peter Harrison at Schroders wants to buy a fixed income manager

Well, well ... / That Peter Harrison has done all right for himself, ain't he? He used to be at RWC Partners with ... uh, with Mike Corcell. 'Oh dear.' Yes, Voice, but he got out of there and went to Schroders. He got promoted a couple of times and now he's the big man, the boss, the new chief executive. 'Brilliant!' Yes, it is brilliant.

Unfortunately, that's where the good news ends because ... power has gone to our Pete's head. 'Surely not?!' I'm afraid so. Mr Harrison has just announced to the world that he wants to buy a fixed income manager. 'Oh no.' Not hire him or her. No. BUY!!! 'Jesus! It's completely satanic, boss. In the twenty-first century, too. I'm shocked.' I think we all are, Voice. I can understand that he needs a new manager for this fixed income nonsense, but ... does he really have to buy someone? 'Where is he even going to find a suitable character?' Well, there's an underground market in these people. They're normally guys (or girls) with low self-esteem. They've been bullied their whole lives, told what to do by unscrupulous bosses. Maybe they lost a bit of money once on a fund, and that damaged them. I mean, damaged their view of themselves, yeah? 'Yeah.' A lot of these people feel worthless. They think they can't cut it no more in the hard world of finance. But they're addicted, can't let go. 'Yes, of course.' Then a smooth-talker like Peter Harrison comes along ... Don't worry, poor lost soul, I'll look after you. Come to work with me at Schroders. I'm the boss now. I'll protect you. We'll make a bed for you in the basement. We'll put some straw down for you. 'Straw?! These people are absolute bastards, Mikey!' I know, I know.


Ah, that's enough satire for one day, eh? [Look it up in the dictionary, if you need to.] What else is going on?

Nothing else is going on. There's some TPG Capital fund. But I'm not writing about that. It was a sixth fund. Now it's a seventh. I don't know. I ain't interested, seriously.