Tuesday, 31 May 2016

Simon Somerville is joining Marathon Asset Management!!!

Yes, my dear friend Simon is leaving Jupiter. I can't believe it! [He'll still be doing Japanese stuff though.] 'Simon Somerville, boss?' Yes, you know our Simon. Cheerful face with a hint of melancholy? 'Oh, Simon! Of course. How is he these days?' Well, I don't know. I haven't spoken to him in a while. I suppose I've taken my eye off the ball. I don't know what's going on at Jupiter any more. 'Your blasted music!' Yeah, yeah. But Marathon, man. I've haven't written about this firm. 'Don't you mean Snickers Asset Management?' No, it's Marathon.

Marathon is a global credit manager with approximately $13 billion of capital under management opportunistically investing in the global credit markets. Our business is guided by our fiduciary responsibility to our investors, an intensive research-based investment approach, shamanic mysticism, prudent risk management discipline, and a firm wide commitment to operational excellence.

You see? 'Oh, I see.' / Well, well ... I'm shocked really. 'Do they have financial shamans at Marathon?' Yes, they do. Which is a relief. Imagine our Simon in a firm of cold earth wanderers. 'Ha!' It would be unbearable for him. No, obviously Simon has done his research. His must be happy with the situation. 'But why would he leave Jupiter? Why?!' You know what I'm thinking, Voice? 'What, boss? What are you thinking?' I'm thinking it's all down to John Chatfeild-Roberts. 'Oh, Christ!' Yeah. He's still refusing to change his name, and I reckon it's freaking everyone out at Jupiter. I reckon Simon couldn't take it no more, the stress of it all. 'But all John's got to do is put the "i" before the "e", the way any civilized person would.' I know! John Chatfield-Roberts! John Chatfield-Roberts! John Chatfield-Roberts! ['Here he comes! (Only joking!)' Shut up!] What's so terrible about that? 'Nothing. It's a nice name.' John is actually a decent guy, you know? But his name scares the crap out of people. 'It's such a shame.' How many more good fund managers will be driven away from Jupiter? 'Well, we don't actually know, Mikey. This is all just your "theory", man.' Yeah, but it makes sense to me. It makes perfect sense in an insane financial world.