Thursday, 19 May 2016

Rising number of unicorn companies ... for the love of Christ!

I don't know what's going on, dear reader(s). I just get sent this stuff. Yes, it's the Thursday afternoon/evening PR email, back by popular demand.

Apparently, people are selling unicorns now, or manufacturing them. Probably manufacturing them first. 'How on earth do you manufacture a unicorn, boss?!' Well, it's a scam, Voice, ain't it? You take a white horse and stick a horn on its forehead. Then you sell it to any mug punter you can find. It's shocking, really.

Why the lovely Rebecca thinks I should be interested though is anyone's guess. And there's nothing I can do about it, anyway. The police need to get involved.

'Hey, boss, have you read the email?' Er ... no. 'Bloody hell!'

Hey Michael

I hope you are well and enjoying your week so far.

I'm getting in touch with a press release highlighting the increasing number of billion-dollar digital businesses (otherwise known as Unicorn Companies) emerging in the UK.

In order to be considered a "unicorn company" businesses must meet the following criteria:

1) A tech company with "a bias towards internet/software"
2) Founded in 2000 or later
3) Be worth $1 billion or more if it were to be sold or floated

In their own unique report, digital recruitment specialists Forward Role explored the concept of unicorns around the world, and how their numbers are growing both in Europe and the UK. They also spoke to a number of experts - some from companies that are on the verge of unicorn status - who have exclusively explained what it takes to hit the all-important $1 billion mark.

Oh, okay. 'By the way, I added the numbers, boss. There were bullet points in the email.' Well, why did you replace the bullet points with numbers, for God's sake?! 'Because they wouldn't copy, man. It's no big deal.' Ha! No big deal to you maybe.

Sorry, Rebecca, love, if you're reading this. I know you put a lot of work into these emails. My intern is actually a certified idiot. 'He doesn't pay me!' Shut up!


Ah, that's enough. NOW is when I start enjoying my week. Have a nice weekend, reader(s).