Thursday, 5 May 2016

Who on earth is Blank Blank at Aviva Investors?

Well, well ... / Right, er, dear reader(s), this, this ... is, er, uh, rather disturbing, to put it mildly. Apparently, there's a "Blank Blank" character at Aviva Investors ... who claims to be the ... uh, you don't want to know, believe me. 'Ha!' Exactly, Voice. Exactly. We know the truth about Aviva Investors, so it's not possible. The thing is, there's a woman now, too, called ... uh, who is at the firm as ... a fund manager, and she reports to - 'Blank Blank.' Yes, Blank Blank. You read my mind. 'Boss, that's not possible. No one at Aviva Investors reports to anyone. They're free spirits, anti-capitalists. At this time of year, they're all in the park eating ice cream, anyway. It's Schroders that manages all the funds. Why don't they just admit it?' Ah, well, this is where it gets interesting, man. I've done my research, you see. 'Nice one.' Yes. Believe it or not, there is a "Blanker Blank" who works at Schroders as a finance manager. 'Ha!' I’m looking at his LinkedIn profile right now. 'Brilliant!' Obviously, Voice, they're the same guy, yeah? Blank Blank is a Schroders man. 'Christ!' I'm thinking he's been sent over to the Aviva Investors office to make everything look respectable. Because, you know, as you said, the summer season is coming up. Most of the boys and girls will be in the park, and maybe in the pub, too, especially in the evening. 'Yeah.' But if they keep this Blank guy in the office, no one in the outside world will know. A client could phone up, Blank answers ... no one knows who the hell he is because they can't actually see him over the phone ... Oh, yes, I'm Euan Munro. What do you want? 'Basically, he covers for them, boss.' Yeah. All of them. And the only question is, why does Schroders play along with this fucking nonsense? It's mental! I'm not even sure they're getting paid, you know? 'Well, boss ... Schroders are hard-working mugs who believe in the capitalist system, aren't they? They're worried that if the truth gets out about Aviva Investors then everything will collapse. I mean, game over for everybody!’ That's the only explanation, Voice. Total mugs though, eh?

And you know what Wealth Manager says, don't you, dear reader(s)? 'Tell them, man!' It says ... Are you Blanker Blank? 'Ha! It says that?!' Yeah, on the website, man, under Blank's profile. Not Blank, but Blanker. The same guy - if he's real. 'Incredible!’ If he's really real, of course ...

[Who are YOU(!) - ?]