Monday 22 September 2008

Arch Financial Products: into the desert!

Yeah. It's a sign of the times. Arch Financial Products has launched a sub-Saharan Africa fund. Let's hear it for the Arch Africa Private Markets Focus IC fund!

Not my normal desert, by the way, the Sahara. I'm not telling you where I hide out. But I suppose I welcome this move by Arch Financial Products. It's a smart move. Doing business in the desert. Yes, in the desert. Don't pay too much attention to the 'sub-Saharan' thing. These crazy bastards are actually in the goddamn desert. And they were trying to keep it quiet. Ha ha. Never mind. Nothing gets past me.

Dear reader, you're probably asking yourself, physical or astral? Er, it doesn't really matter. I presume Arch is dealing with the physical desert for the most part, but I should imagine it will also want to do business on the astral plane. It's important to exploit the synergies between any physical and astral desert. You can make more money that way. With seed capital of $12 million, the fund has returned 2.75 per cent so far. Not bad. There is room for improvement though.

I wonder if Arch is making best use of all the available ghosts. The ghosts of the dead financiers will be more than happy to help out. They've been discussing the future of desert finance and banking for some time now. Their thinking is that all the top firms should move away from the City of London and Wall Street, and start afresh in the desert. I am against that, personally. The desert is a place of refuge for financial shamans. A place where they can burn with money in peace, and not worry too much about the bottom line. If it became overly commercialized a lot of the mysticism would be squeezed out. Also, the ghosts are not considering the fact that the majority of bankers, traders, and analysts are still stuck in the old ways. Many of them despise the new creed of mystical capitalism. Can you really imagine them relocating to the desert? Can you imagine the pampered wife of a hedge fund manager living in a cave? No, it ain't gonna happen.

Let's keep the desert sacred!