Saturday, 20 September 2008

Simon Cawkwell

I have been speaking to Evel Knievel - known to his friends as Simon Cawkwell - and he told me, 'I'm really not that evil or evel or whatever at all. I'm a charming chap. It's Jack Pickles everyone should be worried about. God knows how much money he has made this week. All this nonsense about banning short-selling. Jack will find a way around that. It is a triumph of the ignoramuses, that's what it is. And everything's completely fucked. Even the astral plane! I went on to the plane late last night, and the joint was in utter chaos. Where's my Burgundy? Give me my Burgundy!'

Well, Simon - I'm sorry, Evel - I'm sure turning to drink is not the answer. You've got to have faith. You've got to believe in the future. Has money ever burnt within you? You talk of the astral plane, but I've never seen you there. Evel, mate, I advise you to pop along to your local Big Herb temple. I think there's a new one in Holland Park. Give it a go. What have you got to lose?