Thursday, 4 September 2008

Tim Whyte leaves Sofaer Capital

IMPORTANT UPDATE/CORRECTION

That bastard Keith Busby - the source of my story about Tim - has dropped me right in it. Tim has just contacted me. He wants to make clear that he left BEFORE the losses because he was offered a new job elsewhere. And the reason he was unavailable for comment was because he was taking a short break in the desert. He's never been anywhere near any fucking pit! Wait till I get my hands on that moron Keith!

Tim Whyte - one of London's top hedge fund managers - has left Sofaer Capital after losing a ton of money in July. Tim was the manager of Sofaer's Natural Resources hedge fund - which fell 17.4 per cent. He has been replaced by Julien Garran.

What the hell went wrong? In previous years the fund made massive gains of 57 and 79 per cent. It's karma, ain't it? Sometimes the gods - and let's be under no illusions, we're talking about Big Herb and Ganesh here - like to raise people up, and then throw them down into the pit. The pit of despair! The pit of wailing and gnashing of teeth!

I have been speaking to Michael Oliver from Mystical Cash Gurus about this pit, and he told me, 'I have first-hand experience of the pit. A couple of years ago, I pissed Ganesh off by switching my allegiance to Lakshmi, and we all know how much he hates her. Well, I was thrown into the pit - it's on the lowest level of the astral plane, by the way - and I have to say I did not enjoy myself. The place is crammed full of unsuccessful hedge fund managers, traders, analysts, and financial journalists; all moaning about their lot in life. Not a nice place to be. I got myself out by going back to Ganesh. I feel sorry for Mr Whyte if he's in that pit now.'

Mr Whyte could not be contacted this morning.