Monday, 20 September 2010

Cheyne Capital has closed its Macro Equities fund

Yes, Cheyne Capital has closed its Macro Equities fund, and Jorge Giampaoli and Paul Keohane (two traders) have disappeared. No one knows where they are now. They'll never be seen again. But it's not all bad news because Cheyne has managed to raise over £64 million for its European Event Driven fund. All's well that ends well.

However, we shouldn't close our hearts (or our minds) to the suffering of the two traders. I say they have disappeared. I say they'll never be seen again. But I am the world's foremost financial shaman! I know where they are. I can see them.

Two traders, Jorge Giampaoli and Paul Keohane, wandering, wandering, in endless astral desert night. Bare feet, rags. I see them in the darkness, with my astral eyes. Their eyes meet mine. There is no great light for them, no fire. There is not even a moon for them. Only touches of starlight, here and there, on their flesh. And there is no shelter. No cave. Just cold sand beneath their feet. This is the price they must pay.

No external investment for the Macro Equities fund. That was the problem. And it must have hurt. Like a sea with no rivers. But the European Event Driven fund has managed to bring in quite a bit of money from investors. The Cheyne souls involved in that fund are not wandering in endless astral desert night, that's for sure.

I know how the two traders must be feeling. I have wandered in darkness. It was a long time ago. But I escaped. I was a special one. I don't know anything about Jorge Giampaoli or Paul Keohane. I have no knowledge of their personal qualities - qualities that may help them escape. So it's possible they will be seen again. It all depends. I just know they are suffering, that's all.


Let me tell you about Cheyne Capital. Cheyne Capital vibrates in a lonely cosmos. I wanted it to. Vibration. I demanded it. With my words. Now, the echo of a voice. It goes on and on and on. Calling for someone. Pleading for something to happen. Trying to reach God? Maybe.

Oh, is this where I leave it all behind? Can I leave the two traders, wandering, in endless astral desert night? Can I leave Cheyne Capital, vibrating, in a lonely cosmos? Can I leave my room? Can I leave the earth? And if I leave, will my physical fingers stop moving? Will they cease to exist? And will my body burn up? And will my mind evaporate? Will anything be left behind? Just a vision, I believe. Just a picture in your head, dear reader.

My mind will be gone. My emotions will linger on, for a while. But there'll be a picture in your head. The way it can be. Not the way it is. The truth. Not the lies of the world. The ultimate reality. Not the utter shit served up by other financial blogs and websites. It will expand your mind. My mind will be gone, of course. But your mind? Massive!

It can happen. It will happen. I am waiting for the moment to come.