Right, let's see if I can get my teeth into this story. Polar Capital has bought HIM Capital - a financial funds specialist, would you believe? Actually, the deal hasn't gone through yet, but it will. Give it time. I don't know how much Polar paid - or is going to pay (Tim Woolley wouldn't tell me), but the deal will add $230 million of assets under management to Polar. Great!
Well, as you may have already guessed, I have been speaking to Mr Woolley. This is what was said: 'Mikey, isn't this wonderful? Is Polar Capital accelerating growth or what? (Accelerating growth? Definitely. I'm really happy for Polar, Tim. How does it feel being chief executive now?) You don't want to talk about the deal? (How much are you paying for HIM Capital?) You know, Mikey, it feels great being chief executive. That's what I keep telling myself. (Yeah?) Oh yeah. (Have you heard anything from Mark Kary?) No. He's still in the desert, I think. (Yes, he is. But I would have thought he would have stayed in touch. Never mind. Some people are like that.) I imagine he's getting all burnt up with mystic love and shit. I don't blame him, if that's the case. I wouldn't want to stay in touch with losers from my past. Life of Riley, I should think, the life he has now. (You sound envious, Tim.) Oh, I don't know, Mike. When I took over from Mark, I thought I had it made. But there's an emptiness inside ... (Did he set you up with the dead financiers, before he went off?) No, Michael. Not so much as a letter of introduction. (That's a bit disappointing. But you have had contact with them, yeah?) No. (No?!) Mikey, I haven't heard one voice. I haven't had one vision. (Bloody hell! No wonder there's an emptiness inside, Tim. You must be feeling terrible, mate.) Gutted, Mike. Absolutely gutted. That's the only way I can describe it. (Tim, I'll have to sort this out for you.) Can you have a word with them? (Sure, no problem. They've probably just forgotten about you. The dead financiers can be a bit awkward, but -) They're scary guys, Mike. Or so I've been told. Maybe I shouldn't tempt fate. (What are you worried about, Tim? If they know you're with me, no harm will come to you. You do know who I am, don't you? What I am.) You're the world's foremost financial shaman. Everyone knows that. (Well, have a bit of faith then.) Sorry, Michael. Yeah, you're right. I'm just feeling a bit down, that's all. Even with the HIM Capital deal. Nights are the worst. The nights are drawing in, aren't they? Summer's gone. It'll soon be winter. You feel the cold at my age. I remember when ...'
He went on like that for a while. But I'm not going to take the piss. I'm prone to self-pity myself. I am determined to help him. I'll have a word with the ghosts of the dead financiers. See if I can get things moving. I'll also send Tim a copy of Awaken the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins. That'll be a real tonic for him.
Well, as you may have already guessed, I have been speaking to Mr Woolley. This is what was said: 'Mikey, isn't this wonderful? Is Polar Capital accelerating growth or what? (Accelerating growth? Definitely. I'm really happy for Polar, Tim. How does it feel being chief executive now?) You don't want to talk about the deal? (How much are you paying for HIM Capital?) You know, Mikey, it feels great being chief executive. That's what I keep telling myself. (Yeah?) Oh yeah. (Have you heard anything from Mark Kary?) No. He's still in the desert, I think. (Yes, he is. But I would have thought he would have stayed in touch. Never mind. Some people are like that.) I imagine he's getting all burnt up with mystic love and shit. I don't blame him, if that's the case. I wouldn't want to stay in touch with losers from my past. Life of Riley, I should think, the life he has now. (You sound envious, Tim.) Oh, I don't know, Mike. When I took over from Mark, I thought I had it made. But there's an emptiness inside ... (Did he set you up with the dead financiers, before he went off?) No, Michael. Not so much as a letter of introduction. (That's a bit disappointing. But you have had contact with them, yeah?) No. (No?!) Mikey, I haven't heard one voice. I haven't had one vision. (Bloody hell! No wonder there's an emptiness inside, Tim. You must be feeling terrible, mate.) Gutted, Mike. Absolutely gutted. That's the only way I can describe it. (Tim, I'll have to sort this out for you.) Can you have a word with them? (Sure, no problem. They've probably just forgotten about you. The dead financiers can be a bit awkward, but -) They're scary guys, Mike. Or so I've been told. Maybe I shouldn't tempt fate. (What are you worried about, Tim? If they know you're with me, no harm will come to you. You do know who I am, don't you? What I am.) You're the world's foremost financial shaman. Everyone knows that. (Well, have a bit of faith then.) Sorry, Michael. Yeah, you're right. I'm just feeling a bit down, that's all. Even with the HIM Capital deal. Nights are the worst. The nights are drawing in, aren't they? Summer's gone. It'll soon be winter. You feel the cold at my age. I remember when ...'
He went on like that for a while. But I'm not going to take the piss. I'm prone to self-pity myself. I am determined to help him. I'll have a word with the ghosts of the dead financiers. See if I can get things moving. I'll also send Tim a copy of Awaken the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins. That'll be a real tonic for him.
