Thursday, 16 September 2010

Octopus Investments warns its venture capital trust clients of boiler room scam!

Some fake firm - run by awful degenerates, I should think - has been pretending to be a giant radioactive octopus like something out of a ridiculous sci-fi/horror movie. That's not the whole truth, of course. The mundane details (the rest of the truth) can be found at Fund Strategy.

But let's go after the giant radioactive octopus. Follow me to the astral sea (inside), children. Anything is possible there.

Right, the octopus in question is absolutely huge. [Look! Can you see it?] But like all octopuses it is genetically programmed to die after mating; so we won't have to put up with this situation forever. If it's a male octopus, it will die a few months after mating. If it's female, it will wait until the eggs have hatched. All two hundred thousand of them. Each one the size of a beach ball. They're radioactive, remember. I have no idea what the sex of our octopus is. Time will tell. We don't even know if it has mated with another radioactive octopus yet. [I fear we may be getting ahead of ourselves here.] That's something Guy Myles could tell us. He's the managing director at Octopus - the real firm. [If only he would answer his phone!] I know that Mr Myles swims in the astral sea every day. [He's not really a desert man.] If there's more than one radioactive octopus, he'll be able to tell us. [But he won't answer his phone.] So here we are, splashing around, trying to make some sense out of this story. Maybe Fund Strategy had the whole truth. Maybe there is no giant radioactive octopus. [Look! Can you see it?] That would make things much easier. If the authorities (FSA, police) get involved, they won't want to go after a giant radioactive octopus. The authorities don't have our sense of adventure. I would be very surprised if they had even heard of the astral plane, which encompasses the astral sea - although I have had the FSA on this blog, sniffing around. [If only Guy Myles would answer his phone. Oh, look! Can you see him? Mr Myles is engaged in mortal combat with the giant radioactive octopus! This is better than the Thrilla in Manilla, this is! Hit him, Guy! Knock him out! Definitely a male octopus. Such aggression! A bloody nose for Guy! Wow, this octopus can really fight!] In fact, the authorities would do well to keep right out of it. [Oh, Guy has smacked him in the beak! Nice one, Guy! This'll soon be over.] No, the FSA hasn't got the stomach for dealing with giant radioactive octopuses. Mr Myles has it all under control, anyway.

Yeah, it's all over. The octopus is dead. Well done, Guy!