Tuesday, 20 October 2015

Deutsche Bank in $6 billion fat finger disaster!

Oh dear. This has happened a few times now. These banks have got to stop employing people with fat fingers. 'They can't discriminate, boss.' Well, I've got a solution, Voice. I'm cleverer than you think. 'Oh.' All the banks have got to do is study the "hobbies and interests" section of the CVs of the misguided souls who are looking for work in finance, and ... [drum roll] ... 'Er ... hire all the drummers?' No, you fucking idiot! Hire all the guitar players! 'Oh, right.' Most guitar players have nice slim fingers. 'Well, most, Mikey, but what about B.B. King?' Er ... he's dead, man. 'Yeah, but he had fat fingers. I mean, he couldn't play chords.' Are you fucking serious?! Christ! At the interview stage, the banks can ask if the candidate can play chords. It's no big deal. 'I just don't think it will work.' Listen, they've got to try something. Banks are losing billions. Deutsche Bank lost $6 billion, yeah? Gave it all away to some goddamn hedge fund - as if it needed the money, which is another joke, man! Where was I when all this free money was being doled out by the fat fingers of some cretin? 'Probably too busy playing your guitar, for your sins.' Ha! Knowing my luck.

Oh, dear reader(s), I think Deutsche got the money back the next day, but that's not the point. 'What is the point, boss?' Why take the risk? I'm offering a simple solution here, and I'm sure a lot of banks will pick up on it ...

However, it's their funeral if they don't. Why should I care? Some people have got more money than sense.


Guitar? I might as well. It seems to be the theme of this post. 'Guitar!' / Someone said the guitar doesn't change, we change. 'Tommy Emmanuel?' Yes, I think it was him. Well, I know exactly what he means. I got so depressed this Sunday after playing some absolutely shocking lead guitar. My fingers seemed to get jammed in the strings - when they were able to move, that is. It was awful! But last night ... I was playing like a master (almost). 'You've got to manage your emotional states, Mikey.' Thank you, Voice, I was just coming to that. I've got to manage my emotional states, reader(s), like the man says. 'Me?!' No, Tony Robbins. Who else?!