Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Jes Staley is the new chief executive of Barclays!

Exciting news, eh, reader(s)? 'Er ... is that official, boss?' What? 'Has Barclays announced that Mr Staley is the new chief executive?' Not yet, Voice. 'So it's not official then?' What's your problem, man? 'I just like things to be done properly, that's all. You can't just write on a website that Mr Staley is the new CEO when he ain't.' Piss off! It's my blog, you little idiot! I'll write what I like.

What I like! If I want to ... Bob Diamond is the new chief executive of Barclays! How do you like them apples? Who's going to stop me? 'Ha! No one would believe that Bobby's back, Mikey.' I bet a lot of people at Barclays have missed Bobby, you know. 'Yeah?' With his charisma and his shamanic ways. Well, I've missed him, anyway. / So much has changed. I remember the old days, when the world was young. 'Ah, the apple trees, blossoms in the breeze ...' You're not funny, Voice. And you're not Frank Sinatra. Now, he was The Voice. / Yes, I'm listening to ... hang on, give me a minute, reader(s) ... Songs for Swingin' Lovers! One of Sinatra's three great albums, the other two being Point of No Return and Only the Lonely. 'Jes Staley?' What? Who?

Oh, right. Who is this Jes Staley character then? Broke somebody's heart, and I'm afraid it was mine ... 'Did he?!' Eh? No, the music, man! Jes Staley is an executive at BlueMountain Capital with our Summer. 'Summer Wind ... ?!' No, Summer Jarratt. 'Oh, her.' He used to be head of JP Morgan's investment banking and asset management divisions. So he's got the experience. / By the way, is it JP Morgan? Or J.P. Morgan? Or JPMorgan? Or JPMorgan Chase? Or, or ... JPMorGANchase? I'm fucking sick of their fucking games!!! 'Calm down, Mikey! It doesn't matter, does it?' It's that old devil moon ... 'Yes, I'm sure. / How's your guitar playing coming along?'

My guitar playing? Er, all right, I suppose. I think I can play better than Noel Gallagher and Kurt Cobain now. (I always compare my playing to Definitely Maybe and In Utero.) I'm still not happy though. I saw a clip of Jeff Beck on TV the other night ... the bastard!

Songs? Don't talk to me about songs! These are real songs, man! Don't you know, little fool, you never can win? Use your mentality. Wake up to reality ...

How about that band?